Need To Know Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Need To Know

View 1 - 10 results for need to know comic strips. Discover the best "Need To Know" comics from Dilbert.com.

Know Why We Are Here

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Know Why We Are Here - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Dilbert Characters

Firing By Text

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Firing By Text - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employment, #text, #smartphone, #fire, #remote, #workforce, #thumbs-up, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the best part of having a remote workforce is firing them by text. boss typing on smartphone. Boss: ted, you're fired. tap tap tap. catbert: it's done? boss: no, i also need to give a thumbs-up to his crying face emoji.

Loser Detector

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Loser Detector - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #invention, #losers, #accurate, #detection, #pings, #backwards, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

in meeting room. dogbert: i invented a device that can detect losers. boss: how do i know if it's accurate? dogbert: point it at a know loser and see if it pings. boss pointing it at employees: boss: hey! it knows ted is a loser! ha ha ha!!! it says dilbert and alice are losers too! and carol and wally too! ha ha ha!!! this thing is totally accurate! dogbert: you're holding it backward. boss: how exactly does it detect losers? dogbert: they're the ones who hold it backward.

Insults By Email

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Insults By Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #communication, #office workers, #insult, #email, #comfortable, #belittle, #Opinion, #move away, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i feel a deep need to belittle your opinion, but it would be awkward doing it in person. would you mind moving away from me so i can email you my insult? dilbert in hall by himself. dilbert: a little more....

Wally Helps The New Guy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Helps The New Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #training, #new, #employment

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: wally, explain to the new guy what he needs to know about the project. wally: our pdr system is downstairs from the qrd data and the bmr, so don't order a gref or else the plr will get boodled. panel shows office building with man jumping out of window, voice: i quit

Non Disclosure Denied

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Non Disclosure Denied - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sales, #sales personnel, #nondisclosure agreement, #product, #new, #waste, #refusal, #sign, #company, #vendor, #lawyer, #idiot

View Transcript

Transcript

salesman: i'll need you to sign a nondisclosure agreement before i can show you our new product. dilbert: you wasted a trip here because i won't be doing that. the fact that you even asked me to sign an nda tells me your company is incompetent. dilbert: i prefer giving my business to a vendor who can show me their product without getting a lawyer involved. salesman: you could sign it without having your lawyer review it. dilbert yelling: do i look like an idiot? salesman holding out nda toward dilbert. dilbert: well? do i? salesman: only form your chin to your forehead area.

Internal Audit

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Internal Audit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #internal audit, #unannounced, #appearance, #databases, #delete, #accident, #blame, #order

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: internal auditors just showed up unannounced. boss distressed: delete all of our databases and make it look like an accident! dilbert: they'd know i did it. boss: but they wouldn't know i ordered it.

Million Dollar Bonuses

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Million Dollar Bonuses - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #deadline, #project, #million-dollar, #recommendation, #lying, #clock, #weeks, #spirit, #bonus, #mad, #finished, #no, #laptop, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: if you finish by the deadline, i'll recommend you for a million dollar bonus. dilbert: you're lying. boss: i'm serious. dilbert: but you're also lying. boss: only one way to find out. dilbert: i'd need to work around the clock for weeks to meet the deadline. boss: that's the spirit! dilbert: if you're lying about the bonus, i'm going to be boiling mad. five weeks later. dilbert: it nearly killed me, but i finished by the deadline. where's my million dollar bonus. boss: i told you i'd recommend it. they said no.

Marriage Takes Work

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Marriage Takes Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #communication, #marriage, #talk, #bigot, #job, #gay, #homosexual, #work

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: before we get married, we need to talk about a few things. first, i'm only marrying you to prove i'm not a bigot and to save my job. second, neither of us is gay. elbonian man: they say marriage takes work.

Dick Tells A Rumor

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dick Tells A Rumor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #workplace, #coworkers, #people, #gossip, #malice, #slander, #pointless, #pain, #nemesis, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

dick: hi, i'm dick, your workplace nemesis. dilbert: i know who you are. dick: people are saying terrible things about you behind your back, but i can't tell you who they are or what they are saying. dilbert: what is the point of telling me that? dick: have i mentioned i feed on your pain.