Negotiating Comic Strips

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32 Results for Negotiating

View 1 - 10 results for negotiating comic strips. Discover the best "Negotiating" comics from Dilbert.com.

Boss Negotiates With Elbonia

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Boss Negotiates With Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, business ethics, government, money, partisan politics, stealing, negotiate

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Boss: I'm negotiating a deal with the government of Elbonia. They agreed to buy a thousand dollars of our products. All I had to do was agree to let them steal all of our intellectual property. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be better for us if they didn't steal our I.P.? Boss: You have to look at the big picture. They also agreed to stop killing tens of thousands of our citizens with their illegal drug shipments. Dilbert: Did they stop? Boss: No, but they said they would. Dilbert: Maybe you should negotiate harder. Boss: And risk losing a thousand dollars of revenue?

Negotiating Expert

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Negotiating Expert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consultant, negotiation, training, irony, obliviousness, business

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Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to negotiate. Normally, he charges triple the market rate, but I talked him down to double. Wally: Where is he? Boss: He said he's teaching us what happens when there's no performance clause in a contract.

Dogbert's Negotiating Class

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Dogbert's Negotiating Class - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, deception, sales, manipulation, deal, business

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Boss: I approved your request to take a negotiating class. Dilbert: Why did you change your mind? Boss: The instructor offered a great deal. Narrator: Earlier that day. Dogbert: Would you like to spend other people's money to get rid of Dilbert for a few days? Boss: Sold!

Being Ineffective

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Being Ineffective  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, haggle, training, conference, skills

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Boss: Why are we paying so much for this software? Dilbert: Because you didn't let me take a class on negotiating like I asked. Boss: Are you using this as leverage to get approval for the class? Dilbert: No, I'm just being ineffective. Does it look the same?

Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating

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Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, haggle, trick, deception

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Dilbert: I want you to lower your price, but I don't know how to negotiate. Man: It's easy. All you need to do is offer to pay more than the list price and wait for me to counteroffer. Dilbert: Okay... I'll pay twenty percent over the list price. Man: You win! Sign here.

Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert

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Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, persuasion, help, altruism, selfishness

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Dilbert: Can you teach me to be more persuasive? Dogbert: What's in it for me? Dilbert: It will make you feel good to help a friend. Dogbert: Does it feel as good as denying you? Dilbert: I have no way to know. Dogbert: Bah!

Logical Reasons For Learning To Negotiate

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Logical Reasons For Learning To Negotiate  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, persuasion, catch-22, argument

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Dilbert: I can't persuade my boss to let me take a class on how to negotiate. Asok: Try giving him logical reasons. He'll respond to that. Dilbert: And then I would be able to negotiate for a higher salary. Boss: Pass.

Dilbert Wants To Take A Class In Negotiating

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Dilbert Wants To Take A Class In Negotiating  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, catch-22, conference, training

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Dilbert: I need your approval to take a class on negotiating. Boss: See if you can persuade me to approve it. Dilbert: I... don't know how to negotiate yet. Boss: That's the flaw in your plan.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags job, scope, negotiating, engineer, demands, failure, stress, business, engineering

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Boss: We need to cut our budget. Go to all of our vendors and tell them to reduce their prices. Dilbert: Why would they do that for us? Boss: Tell them we'll buy from someone else unless they do. Dilbert: That's what we told them to get the prices we have now. I'm an engineer, not a professional negotiator. Your plan has failure designed into it. Your poor leadership already has me on the edge of madness. This could push me over the edge. Boss: And I need it done by Tuesday.

Dogbert Talks Past The Sale

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Dogbert Talks Past The Sale - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags manipulation, negotiating, negotiation, psychology, guest artist, josh shipley

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Dogbert: Do you want to prepare and serve my favorite food to me now or in one minute? Dilbert: Why do you always that manipulative trick of making me think past the sale? Dogbert: Because it works? Dilbert: One minute! Not a second sooner!