Non Urgency Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

93 Results for Non Urgency

View 1 - 10 results for non urgency comic strips. Discover the best "Non Urgency" comics from Dilbert.com.

Credible Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Credible Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #technology, #credible, #data, #problem, #test, #good

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: i finished the data throughput tests, but the results are not credible because of a problem with the test. boss: does the non-credible data make us look good? alice: yes. boss: our name for that kind of data is "credible."

How Long It Will Take

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How Long It Will Take  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #assignment, #deadline, #incompetence, #meeting, #co-workers, #months

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: can you have it done in a week? dilbert: not if i have to work with other employees. given the galactic incompetence of my co-workers, it would probably take seven to non months. boss: i'll give you two weeks. dilbert: that's how long it will take to set up the first meeting.

Encouraging Smoking

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Encouraging Smoking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #meeting, #office, #office workers, #smoking, #turnover, #breaks

View Transcript

Transcript

dibert, the boss and ask at conference table. the boss: our plan for reducing turnover is to encourage smoking. the boss: that way, everyone gets a relaxing smoke break several times per day. dilbert: or non-smokers could take breaks. the boss: now i wish you had been in the meeting when we planned this.

Experts And Non Experts

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Experts And Non Experts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #experts, #architecture

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: the experts say our architecture is not scalable. the boss: bah! the experts are biased. i want to hear what the non-experts say. dilbert: they say we should listen to the experts. the boss: okay, how about the people who are neither experts not non-experts?

Links To Articles

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Links To Articles - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #internet, #Opinion, #research

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the internet debate coach Dogbert: Always back up your opinion with links to articles. Asok: What if the only links I can find are from non-credible sources? Dogbert: I'll do some research. But I think that's the only kind there is.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #video games

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The job market is so tight that I had to hire this NPC. Dilbert: NPC? Boss: Non-player character. It's a video game term for a character that is programmed.As opposed to being an avatar for a human player. An NPC has limited programmed responses. Watch this. How's your day going? NPC: Not bad for a Monday. Boss: Can you help me on my project? NPC: I am too busy: Boss: What do you think of management? NPC: They are all dumb. Wally: I just bonded with that thing. Boss: See how fast you get used to it?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #valor, #awards, #bragging, #laziness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The employee award for valor goes to Wally. During the false alarm, we noticed Wally was not with the other evacuees. He stayed behind to make sure everyone else got out. At least that's what he told us later. Wally, do you have any words of inspiration for the group? Wally: Most of you are cowards. But imagine how good you would feel winning a non-monetary award for valor. Now I ask all of you to think about how you can repay me for my selfless valor on your behalf. Dilbert: Did you sleep through the fire alarm? Wally: Most productive nap I've ever had.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assignment, #deadline, #free time, #death march, #payment, #salary, #pay check, #bonus, #non caring, #cold, #heartless monster, #no sense shame, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: I need this finished by Friday. Dilbert: This assignment will suck up 100% of my free time and turn my happy life into a f=death march. The boss: Thats why we pay you. You pay me so you can ruin my life? The boos: perhaps i said that wrong. The Boss: what I meant is that I don't care how you fell as long as I get my bonus. Dilbert: You're a cold, heartless monster with no sense of shame!!!! The Boss: That why they pay me.

Initial Coin Offering

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Initial Coin Offering  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ico, #cryptocurrency, #bitcoin, #jargon, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Maybe we should do an initial coin offering, or ICO. Boss: What's that? Dilbert: It's a non-equity process for raising capital that uses a custom crypto-currency and the blockchain. I might be wasting my time here. Boss: So... it's a chain made out of coins?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #certification, #listening, #corporations, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director Of Human Resources. Catbert: Don't bother me. I'm studying for a human resources certification. I already have my certifications for sadism and maniacal laughing. And, obviously, I have the basic HR certification for recreational downsizing. If you don't have that one, you can't even get a job in HR. But I need one more certification to make the big bucks. Now run along while I practice my joyless scowling. Dilbert: You talk a lot about yourself. Catbert: I prefer to think of myself as a non-listener.