Nonexistent Job Comic Strips
Search Filters
Year
- 2019
- 2018
- 2017
- 2016
- 2015
- 2014
- 2013
- 2012
- 2011
- 2010
- 2009
- 2008
- 2007
- 2006
- 2005
- 2004
- 2003
- 2002
- 2001
- 2000
- 1999
- 1998
- 1997
- 1996
- 1995
- 1994
- 1993
- 1992
- 1991
- 1990
- 1989
Character
885 Results for Nonexistent Job
View 1 - 10 results for nonexistent job comic strips. Discover the best "Nonexistent Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday September 27,
2019
Hypothetical Observer
Tags #boss, #employees, #insults, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #idiot
Transcript
Dilbert: Thank you for explaining to me how to do my job, for which I am highly trained and you are not. An observer might be tempted to say only an idiot would do such a thing. Boss: Is that an insult? Dilbert: Hey, don't blame me for what a hypothetical observer says.
Saturday September 07,
2019
Centralizing The Decentralized
Tags #boss, #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #value
Transcript
Boss: I need to randomly change something so it seems as if being a manager is a real job. Maybe I should centralize all the functions I decentralized last year. Catbert: Or you could find a way to add value. Boss: I'm not magic.
Monday September 02,
2019
.
Tags #boss, #criticism, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sabotage
Transcript
Boss: My new employee is doing such great work that he makes the rest of you look like chimpanzees. I think you know what you need to do. Wally: Sabotage all of his projects. Boss: Try to do it before he takes my job.
Thursday August 29,
2019
The Inexperienced Employee.
Tags #Advice, #criticism, #employees, #insults, #office workers
Transcript
Man: Let me tell you how to do your job. You need to get all the vendors in the same room and insult them until they offer you discounts. Dilbert: That sounds super dumb. Man: That's what they said to Galileo old man.
Thursday August 22,
2019
Agreeing With The Boss
Tags #boss, #climate change, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #meetings, #office workers, #agree
Transcript
Boss: As my new pet employee, your job is to agree with everything I say in meetings. Can you do that? Wally: Sure. How hard could it be? Boss: Climate change is caused by gravity. Wally: That's right!
Monday August 19,
2019
Wally Is New Pet Employee
Tags #boss, #business ethics, #criticism, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #work ethic
Transcript
Boss: I"m looking for a new pet employee. The ideal candidate would be a brown-nosing tattler with no ethical core. Wally: That sounds like a brilliant idea, even though Dilbert says you are a moron. Boss: You got the job.
Monday August 12,
2019
Leadership Conference In Maui
Tags #boss, #irritation, #managers & supervisors, #vacations
Transcript
Boss: The leadership conference is in Maui next week. I need you to sit in for me...and do your own job at the same time. While I'm drinking on the beach. Dilbert: I get it!!!
Saturday July 20,
2019
Job Has No Meaning
Tags #employees, #employment, #job, #salary, #meaningful
Transcript
Dilbert: My job doesn't have meaning. Dogbert: If your employer added meaning to your job, would you agree to a cut in pay? Dilbert: No. Dogbert: I guess we just found the economic value of "meaning".
Monday July 15,
2019
More People Working At Home
Tags #boss, #employees, #office, #office workers
Transcript
Boss: The office is too quiet today. Carol: That's because more people are working from home. Boss: How can I do my job if I can't pop into people's cubicles and share my wisdom? Second question: why is everything running so smoothly lately?