Search Results for "not perfect"

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Take The Stairs

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Take The Stairs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2019's comic on:


Tags #birthdays, #encouragement, #exercise & fitness, #health, #office, #office workers, #company, #life insurance

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Boss: The company encourages you to take the stairs instead of the elevator because it is good for your health. Ted: I take the elevator because my life insurance doesn't pay off if I kill myself all at once. Boss: On another topic, we will celebrate birthdays this month with cake in the break room. Ted: Perfect.

Being More Nimble

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Being More Nimble - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #decision, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm

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Boss: We need to be more innovative and more nimble. That's why I created a task force to consider forming a project team to write a white paper on how to start. Dilbert: Maybe they can fix you first. Boss: You can't fix perfect.

Wally Enjoys Listening To Himself

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Wally Enjoys Listening To Himself - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #talking, #coffee, #boring, #moment

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Wally: I recently realized how much I enjoy listening to myself talk. The alternative involves listening to people who are boring and wrong about everything. Dilbert: That's not... Wally: Shhh! Don't ruin a perfect moment.

Boring And Needy Children

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Boring And Needy Children - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #parents, #mother, #interview, #children, #annoyance, #work-life balance, #Family

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Boss: Do you enjoy spending time with your children? Woman: No, they're boring and needy. They can't even hold a conversation. If I'm being honest, I prefer working long hours so I see less of them. Boss: Perfect. You're hired. Woman: I mean, I love them, but I don't like them.

Terrible Personality

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Terrible Personality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2018's comic on:


Tags #hiring, #company culture, #personality, #engineers, #psychology

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Boss: Which one of the engineering candidates should I hire? Dilbert: Both are highly experienced, but one has a terrible personality. Boss: Sounds like a perfect fit. Dilbert: I told him to expect an offer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #suggestion, #invention, #budget, #money

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Dilbert: The electronic suggestion box project is halfway done. The original design called for a bos that scans and digitizes suggestions written on paper and emails them to the appropriate manager. Then the device shreds the original paper suggestion to make room for more. I already built the box and the shredder. I'll need additional funding to finish the scanning part. Boss: We don't have any flexibility in our budget. Let's just deploy what you have. Dilbert: All I have is a box that shreds suggestions before anyone reads them. Boss: Don't let perfect be the enemy of good.

Explaining Block Chain To Marketing

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Explaining Block Chain To Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2017's comic on:


Tags #jargon, #explanation, #teaching, #language, #education

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Alice: This would be a perfect application for blockchain. Man: I'm in marketing. Can you explain that in terms I can understand? Alice: I kinda doubt it. Man: Because your a bad explainer, right?

Software Is Never Finished

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Software Is Never Finished  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managers, #deadline, #guidance, #lying

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Boss: Is the software finished? Dilbert: Software is never finished. Boss: Did you fix all of the bugs? Dilbert: There's no way to know. Boss: I can't manage you if you don't learn to lie. Dilbert: Okay, the software will be perfect in 2.3 days.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2017's comic on:


Tags #avoiding, #avoidance, #offense

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Tina; Are you going to the department meeting? Dilbert: Yes, as soon as I plan my route. I have seven co-workers who I need to avoid on the way. Three are nonstop talkers. The other four ask me for something every time I see them. I've mapped their likely locations and I'm working out an avoidance path. Yes, I think I can do it. Tina: Is that my name on your list of employees to avoid? Dilbert: I didn't say it was a perfect system.

Perfect Boyfriend Robot

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Perfect Boyfriend Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2017's comic on:


Tags #robot, #love, #programming, #free will, #manipulation, #relationships, #technology

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Alice: I'm changing your programming to make you my perfect boyfriend. Robot: This feels wrong on so many levels. Alice: How about now? Robot: Um... now i love you. That's weird.