Office Fax Comic Strips
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alice on video call. alice: please stop leaning into the camera while chewing the end of your pen. it makes me want to drive to your house and shove that pen up your nose. male office worker: but you won't do that, right? alice: what's your address?
tina: i have a complaint about the men in the office. catbert: all of them? tina: yes, they're all stupid pigs. catbert: can you be more specific? tina: okay, they're basically visayan warty pigs in the i.q. range of 20 to 40.
dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: good news. i made a friend at work. dogbert: have you checked his social media posts? dilbert yelling: he's a monster! dogbert: that's why we check.
boss: two months ago, i asked you all for recommendations on co-workers who should be recognized for superior work. on day one, you all nominated yourselves. since then it has been quiet. dilbert: if i'm being honest, it wasn't one of your brightest ideas.
catbert: i'm getting reports that you are bigoted against elbonian men. dilbert: i'm not. catbert: that is irrelevant. there is only one way to prove your innocence. elbonian man: yes, i'll marry you. dilbert holding out flower: i thought it would be a tougher sale.
boss on video call. boss: how many of you would prefer going back to work in the office instead of working at home? voices from laptop: i'd rather be dead. i quit. shoot me. boss walking in living room thinking: i knew it was a mistake to let them taste happiness.
dick: hi, i'm dick, your workplace nemesis. dilbert: i know who you are. dick: people are saying terrible things about you behind your back, but i can't tell you who they are or what they are saying. dilbert: what is the point of telling me that? dick: have i mentioned i feed on your pain.
boss on video call. boss: i'm proud to announce we reduced workplace injuries by 76% this past year. voice from laptop: we all worked from home this year. shouldn't we have seen a 100% reduction? boss: our security guard kept hurting his back stealing office equipment.
tina: dilbert is always interrupting me because i'm a woman. how do you deal with it when he interrupts you? alice: he doesn't interrupt me. tina: that makes no sense. he interrupts me because i'm a woman, and you're a woman...so... alice: maybe he doesn't interrupt me because i make sense when i talk. whereas you're more of a babbling nincompoop and a notorious ruiner of meetings. tina: well, i certainly don't know where you... alice: let's head back now. tina: you interrupted me! alice: try to spot the pattern.
dilbert video call on cell phone. dilbert: should i call you ted, or do you prefer your office nickname? i only ask because your nickname is insulting, so i just wanted to make sure you were okay with me using it. ted: i have an office nickname? dilbert thinking: aaand we're off to a bad start.