Opportunity Assignement Comic Strips
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25 Results for Opportunity Assignement
View 1 - 10 results for opportunity assignement comic strips. Discover the best "Opportunity Assignement" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday April 18,
2020
Great Job For Someone
Tags business, office workers, job, opening, private, office, opportunity, background, rid
Transcript
dilbert: i hear there's a great job opening in operations for someone with your background. big salary, private office. looks like a great opportunity for you. office worker: are you trying to get rid of me? dilbert: not in a way you are suppose to notice.
Wednesday June 26,
2019
Jargon Poisoning
Saturday June 22,
2019
Lawyer Can't Be Too Careful
Tags business, lawyers, office, agreement, legalese
Transcript
company lawyer: i made seven hundred suggested changes to the agreement. dilbert: you have turned a good income opportunity into a flaming cesspool of impenetrable legalese. company lawyer: you can't be too careful. dilbert: i think you just proved we can.
Sunday January 01,
2012
Tags big business, business ethics, executive program, relocate, vindictive, stress, loser, turn down opportunity, train, discomfort, underlings
Transcript
Boss: You've been selected for our executive development program. That means we can make you relocate to any godforsaken dirt stain we want. As soon as you make friends or find romance, we'll move you to someplace new and worse. It won't be the sort of work you'll enjoy, and the stress might kill you. If you turn down this opportunity, the company will forever label you as a loser. If you accept the offer, the company will train you to find pleasure in the discomfort of your underlings. I'm doing it right now! Dilbert: I HATE MY LIFE!!! Boss: Yes, yes, say more.
Sunday July 10,
2011
Tags anger, quarreling, mastered art, being useless, next level, toxic, toxic people, complain, personal problems
Transcript
Dogbert: Each of you has already mastered the art of being useless at work. It's time to take it to the next level. Today I will teach you how to be toxic. Toxic people talk about two types of things. One: bring up topics that are sure to cause others to fight. Two: complain about your personal problems at every opportunity. Your homework is to practice at work tomorrow. Wally: I mentioned to Alice that you think her plan is kind of lame.
Monday April 04,
2011
Tags managers & supervisors, brain overload, detailed answer, broken, decison, nodding, sensing opportunity, business
Transcript
Alice says, "Now you've done it. He has brain overload from your unnecessarily detailed answer." Alice says, "Great. He's totally broken and we need a decision today." Dilbert says, "Is he nodding yes?" Alice says, "I'm sensing an opportunity here."
Thursday September 24,
2009
Sunday December 30,
2007
Tags impressive resume, promoted, management, money and pretige, doing less work, opportunity, abuse subordinates, fluent managerese, love interviewing
Transcript
CEO: "Alice, your resume is impressive." "Tell me why you want to be promoted to management." Alice: "Well. Obviously there's the money and prestige." "I'm also attracted by the prospect of doing much less work." "The opportunity to abuse subordinates is a big plus." "And I speak fluent Managerese. Watch this..." "Fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh" Dilbert: "Did you really want that job?" Alice: "No, but I love interviewing!"
Tuesday July 27,
2004
Tags lunch, great opportunity, multi level marketing, bible, diet plan
Transcript
"Hey, Dilbert! How would you like to go to lunch?" "Alone." "Alone! Ha ha! but then you'd miss out on this great opportunity!" "It's multi-level marketing plus a diet plan suggested by the bible!" "Shoot me."
Monday May 26,
2003
Tags summarize for ceo, obliterate persuasiveness, being wordy
Transcript
The Boss hands Dilbert a stack of papers and says, "Can you summarize this on one page for our CEO?" Dilbert responds, "Yes, but it will obliterate the persuasiveness of the document and cost us billions in lost opportunity." The Boss responds, "I see your point, but being wordy is bad, too."