Ouija Board Comic Strips

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92 Results for Ouija Board

View 1 - 10 results for ouija board comic strips. Discover the best "Ouija Board" comics from Dilbert.com.

Nervous About Presentation

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Nervous About Presentation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2019's comic on:

Tags #Advice, #managers & supervisors, #nervous, #office workers, #presentation

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Dilbert: I'm nervous about the presentation I have to give to the board. Do you have any advice? Boss: Don't blow it, or else I'll fire you. Dilbert: I heard it's good to imagine the audience naked. Boss: Report yourself to H.R.

Tweaking Variables

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Tweaking Variables - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2019's comic on:

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #strategy, #stupidity

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Dilbert: I can't get my five-year projections to match what you told the board. Boss: Try tweaking the variables until they do. Dilbert: That would make me a liar. Boss: Nah. In five years it will look like ordinary stupidity.

If We Are Off By One Percent

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If We Are Off By One Percent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2017's comic on:

Tags #projection, #prediction, #finances, #big business, #guess, #estimate, #obliviousness

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Dilbert: According to my highly unreliable forecast, we're on the right track. But if even one of my seventeen assumptions is off by one percent, we are doomed. The obvious conclusion is that... Board: We're nailing it!

Worthless Financial Projections

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Worthless Financial Projections - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 29, 2017's comic on:

Tags #money, #finances, #big business, #projection, #prediction, #guessing, #estimate

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Dilbert: Here's the financial projection you asked me to do. It's basically just guessing plus math. Obviously, it's useless for making decisions because I can get any result I want by tweaking the assumptions. Boss: Don't say any of that stuff when you present it to the board tomorrow.

Wally Presents To Board

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Wally Presents To Board - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2017's comic on:

Tags #stealth, #invisibility, #naked, #surprise, #hiding, #camoflage

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Boss: I want you to present your stealth clothing prototype to our board. Wally: Are you sure? Boss: Of course I'm sure. CEO: I thought we were trying to make the person invisible. Wally: Then why is it called stealth "clothing?"

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Wally's Invention Goes Into Production

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Wally's Invention Goes Into Production - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 2017's comic on:

Tags #invention, #success, #laziness, #fairness, #unfair

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Alice: The board decided to put your invention of a phone charger that warms coffee into production. Market surveys show enormous demand. You're probably going to be our Employee Of The Year. This disturbs me on many levels. Wally: Genius is often disruptive.

Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real

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Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2016's comic on:

Tags #engineers, #sociopath, #pathology, #hit man, #murder, #killing, #morals, #emotions

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CEO: The famous cartoonist we hired to be our spokesperson said something bad on social media. Boss: Oh no. How bad is it? CEO: Our board voted to kill him. Do you know any sociopaths? Boss: I'm head of Engineering. CEO: Good point. Pick any one of them.

Accidentally Buying A Tainted Company

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Accidentally Buying A Tainted Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2016's comic on:

Tags #merger, #acquisition, #gawker, #reputation, #infamy

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CEO: I accidentally talked the board into buying a company that has a tainted reputation. Catbert: How bad is the taint? CEO: Imagine Hitler's unwashed socks. Catbert: That isn't so bad. CEO: I'm just getting started. Now imagine I make you eat those socks...

Gawful Media Company

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Gawful Media Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2016's comic on:

Tags #merger, #acquisition, #gawker, #morals, #executives, #decision, #information

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CEO: The board is proud to announce that we will be acquiring the Gawful Media Company. Dilbert: Are you aware that Gawful is so despicable that a crime bill has their name on it? CEO: Hey, don't blame me. I told the board that someone should Google them.

Ceo Is On Nine Boards

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Ceo Is On Nine Boards - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2015's comic on:

Tags #board, #board member, #power, #bragging, #focus, #attention

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CEO: I am proud to say I serve as a board member for nine corporations. Dilbert; Your lack of focus shows disregard for your fiduciary responsibilities. CEO: Can someone fire this guy for me? I don't remember what company I'm at.