People Not Answering Comic Strips
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View 1 - 10 results for people not answering comic strips. Discover the best "People Not Answering" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share August 11, 2019's comic on:
boss: are you enjoying your new cubicles? alice: my old cubicle had a window view. my new cubicle is in a windowless room with gray walls. it's always too cold, and i'm surrounded by noisy people i dislike. i feel anxious, unhealthy, and depressed all day long. thanks to the office relocation, my life has become a rapid descent into madness. boss: on the plus side, we saved five precent in rent. no one ever likes to hear about the plus side.
Share July 15, 2019's comic on:
Boss: The office is too quiet today. Carol: That's because more people are working from home. Boss: How can I do my job if I can't pop into people's cubicles and share my wisdom? Second question: why is everything running so smoothly lately?
Share July 14, 2019's comic on:
the boss: we'll need a scapegoat to blame for our failure on this project. dilbert: no one will believe it wasn't our fault. the boss: are you kidding? the boss: people will believe anything. the boss: we just have to be the first to frame the situation. dilbert: i suppose we could make our lie sound credible. the boss: that's overkill. dilbert: we don't need to sound credible? the boss: not even a little. the boss is in ceo's office. the boss: our project failed because of climate change. ceo: that sounds right.
Share July 07, 2019's comic on:
dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: the company is announcing generous buyout packages for employees who elect to leave. dilbert: won't all the smart people leave first because they can easily get new jobs at higher pay? the boss: ummm... dilbert: if you don't get enough volunteers, will you start firing people? the boss: we have no plan to do that. dilbert: will you make a plan if too few people leave? the boss: oh, yes. dilbert: would it be fair to say the people who stay will envy the dead? the boss: um... one week later: the boss: how many took the offer? carol: it's just you now.
Share June 30, 2019's comic on:
dogbert: i'm opening a beg-and-pay store. dilbert: what will you be selling? dogbert: selling? dogbert: you are way behind the times. dogbert: stores don't sell things anymore. dogbert: selling would require good customer service and lots of stock on hand. dogbert: if you want that sort of thing, use the internet. dogbert: i just want a place where people can go and beg me to sell them stuff that isn't in stock. office worker: can you help me find this hat in my size? dogbert: beg!!!
Share June 29, 2019's comic on:
wally at team meeting. wally: i've been asked to lead this project toward failure so my boss can convince our ceo to cancel it. wally: i'd like all of the competent people on the team to step aside, while the drooling incompetents who remain drive it into a ditch. office worker: how can we know who among us are the competent ones? wally: well, for starters, they don't ask that question.
Share May 22, 2019's comic on:
wally: i was tempted to succeed this week, but i caught myself in time. wally: success would improve my odds of mating, and i don't think you want more people like me in this world. the boss: that is officially the best excuse for not working that i have ever heard. wally: shhh! don't compliment me in public!
Share April 29, 2019's comic on:
dogbert: i decided to start my own podcast. dogbert: i'm crafting my content to appeal to dumb people because that's the biggest market. dilbert: how will that make the world a better place? dogbert: based on your question, you'd enjoy my podcast.
Share April 27, 2019's comic on:
dilbert: the experts say our architecture is not scalable. the boss: bah! the experts are biased. i want to hear what the non-experts say. dilbert: they say we should listen to the experts. the boss: okay, how about the people who are neither experts not non-experts?
Share April 23, 2019's comic on:
wally: how can i get on the management track? catbert: are you kidding me? catbert: you are the most useless employee i have ever seen. all you do is walk around and bother people who are trying to work. wally: are you saying i can't get on the management track? catbert: i'm saying you're already on it.