Present Comic Strips
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38 Results for Present
View 1 - 10 results for present comic strips. Discover the best "Present" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday March 30,
2021
Dogbert Crisis Consultant
Tags business, managers & supervisors, subordinates, allegations, crisis, consultant, statement, lying, dumb, believe, public, legal, defense
Transcript
dogbert: my job as a crisis consultant is to help you respond to the allegations from seventy-three of your past and present subordinates. i'll issue a statement from you saying everyone of them is lying. ceo: who would be dumb enough to believe that? dogbert: i call them "the public."
Monday August 24,
2020
Gaslighting The Boss
Tags managers & supervisors, month, november, october, birthday, family relations, wife, gaslight
Transcript
boss: what's the name of the month that comes after october? dilbert: november boss: that's what i thought. my wife is trying to gaslight me so she doesn't have to buy me a birthday present. dilbert: how long has she been doing that? boss: i thought i was 26 years old until just now.
Friday August 16,
2019
Memory Science
Tags laziness, memory, office workers, restaurant workers, sarcasm, science, presentation
Transcript
Wally: According to the science of memory, you are likely to forget ninety percent of what I present today. So I got rid of ninety percent of my slides to focus on the one slide that matters. Voice: Or were you too lazy to make more than one slide? Wally: I already forgot ninety percent of what you just said.
Friday November 16,
2018
Changing The Website
Tags boss, business, internet & world wide web, managers & supervisors, sarcasm
Transcript
Dilbert: We need to change one of the links on our website. Boss: Pull together a study team, do a focus group, get buy-in from all departments, and present it at the next division meeting. Dilbert: I changed it while you were yammering. Boss: Let us never speak of this again.
Thursday September 13,
2018
Present Company Excluded
Tags Dilbert, carol, virtual, human, organic, cheated, present, excluded, problem
Transcript
Dilbert: I just spent three days using virtual reality with no human contact whatsoever. Now every time I interact with an organic human, I feel cheated. Carol: Present company excluded? Dilbert: Here's another problem I never have in virtual reality.
Wednesday November 29,
2017
Worthless Financial Projections
Tags money, finances, big business, projection, prediction, guessing, estimate
Transcript
Dilbert: Here's the financial projection you asked me to do. It's basically just guessing plus math. Obviously, it's useless for making decisions because I can get any result I want by tweaking the assumptions. Boss: Don't say any of that stuff when you present it to the board tomorrow.
Saturday November 11,
2017
Wally Presents To Board
Tags stealth, invisibility, naked, surprise, hiding, camoflage
Transcript
Boss: I want you to present your stealth clothing prototype to our board. Wally: Are you sure? Boss: Of course I'm sure. CEO: I thought we were trying to make the person invisible. Wally: Then why is it called stealth "clothing?"
Thursday June 15,
2017
Alice Helps Asok With Slides
Tags presentation, public speaking, powerpoint, slide, Advice, speech
Transcript
Asok: Can you help me edit my slides for my CEO presentation? I have 75 slides and ten minutes to present. Alice: Get rid of 74 of them. Asok: I'll ask someone else.
Tuesday August 09,
2016
Expectations
Tags expectations, misanthrope, happiness, contentment, psychology
Transcript
Asok: Why is Alice always so angry? Wally: It's a function of her unrealistic expectations. I'm never disappointed because I expect people to be ignorant, self-absorbed, and useless. Asok: Present company excluded? Wally: And there it is.
Tuesday September 09,
2014
Tags lying, customers, pitch, software bugs, present information, good for us, dont lable
Transcript
Boss: When you talk to customers, stop mentioning our software bugs. Dilbert: Should I lie? Boss: No, no. I just need you to present the information that is good for us and leave out the rest. Dilbert: Lie by omission? Boss: It's better if we don't label it. Dilbert: Should I use my real name?


