Professional Help Comic Strips
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463 Results for Professional Help
View 1 - 10 results for professional help comic strips. Discover the best "Professional Help" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday July 01,
2021
Redesign Power Button
Tags business, engineering, experience, managers & supervisors, mocking, power button, redesign, sarcasm, team
Transcript
boss: can you redesign it so the power button is on the bottom? engineer: absolutely. our professional design team loves it when inexperienced people make suggestions. boss: i can't tell if you're mocking me. engineer: no, you can't.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday March 30,
2021
Dogbert Crisis Consultant
Tags business, managers & supervisors, subordinates, allegations, crisis, consultant, statement, lying, dumb, believe, public, legal, defense
Transcript
dogbert: my job as a crisis consultant is to help you respond to the allegations from seventy-three of your past and present subordinates. i'll issue a statement from you saying everyone of them is lying. ceo: who would be dumb enough to believe that? dogbert: i call them "the public."
Sunday March 21,
2021
Tina Asks For Help
Tags business, co-workers, colleague, draft, review, busy, yes, time, sarcastic, sarcasm, suspicious, answer, innocent
Transcript
tina: do you have a few minutes to review my first draft? dilbert: yes. tina: i ask because usually you say you're to busy to help. dilbert: well, i said yes this time. tina: that's funny, because usually you're all, "i'm so busy." but today you have all the time in the world. dilbert: today i'm not busy. tina: i find that suspicious. dilbert yelling: take yes for an answer!!! tina: that's not how innocent people talk.
Monday February 22,
2021
Wally And The Big Picture
Tags business, office workers, sarcasm, big picture, fact check, meeting, finish, donut, beat
Transcript
wally: the reason i'm here is to help you look at the big picture. dilbert: i'll need a fact-check on that. i think you stayed over from the last meeting to finish your donut. wally eating a donut: it seems you beat me to the big picture.
Sunday February 14,
2021
Industry Trends
Tags business, technology, industry, trend, luck, act, fast, change, increase, profits, advantage, future, bogus, training, program, company
Transcript
in board room. boss: industry trends just turned our way by total luck. we have to act fast! i need to implement some kind of change so it looks as if i caused the increase in profits that will happen anyway. does anyone have any ideas? dilbert: no, because we're already perfectly situated to take advantage of the trend. boss upset: that doesn't help me! i can't take credit for our future profits unless i do something i can say made a difference. dilbert: maybe you could implement some sort of bogus company culture training program. one week later. dogbert presenting on a stage: it's important to realize you're all idiots.
Sunday February 07,
2021
Dogbert Is Doctor Of Impossible
Tags boring, business, cure, diseases, doctor, fail, headache, ice-cold bath, impossible, improvement, medical, prescribe, sarcasm, treatments, health and wellnes
Transcript
dogbert: i'm dogbert, doctor of the impossible. boss: does that mean you cure diseases that are believed to be impossible to cure? dogbert: no, that sounds boring. i prescribe treatments that are impossible to follow. when you fail you don't get better. you'll think it's your own fault. boss: how does that help anyone but you? dogbert: hey, i'm not the one who brought it up. boss: you're giving me a headache. dogbert: to cure that, i suggest ice-cold baths every six minutes.
Friday October 09,
2020
Wally Helps Coworkers
Tags accomplish, business, claim, co-workers, critical, help, lie, managers & supervisors, problem, teamwork, validate, face mask
Transcript
boss: what did you accomplish this week? wally: i helped several of my co-workers solve critical problems. boss: and if i asked them to validate your claim? wally: they're all huge liars.
Monday September 21,
2020
Conflict Resolution
Tags managers & supervisors, anger, office workers, conflict, resolution, discussion, temperature, idiots, yammering, sarcasm, insult
Transcript
boss: i couldn't help noticing you are having a heated discussion. watch me use my conflict resolution skills to lower the temperature. okay, what were you idiots yammering about? tina: solid start.
Tuesday September 15,
2020
Doubled Income
Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, business, income, double, insincere, gesture, pandemic, people, suffering, coronavirus, appearance, empathy, face mask
Transcript
boss: we doubled our income during the pandemic, and it isn't a good look. we need to make some sort of insincere gesture of support for people who are suffering. dilbert: or we could actually help people. boss: i'm thinking more along the lines of a sign in the foyer.
Tuesday September 01,
2020
Wally Will Look Into It
Tags business, office workers, help, forget, note, procrastination, sarcasm, surprise
Transcript
tina: ...so, maybe you can help? wally: i'll look into it. tina: perhaps you could write yourself a little note so you don't forget. wally: nah. tina: should i abandon all hope now or wait? wally: depends how much you like surprises.