Professional Liars Comic Strips

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54 Results for Professional Liars

View 1 - 10 results for professional liars comic strips. Discover the best "Professional Liars" comics from Dilbert.com.

Cooties Diagnosis

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Cooties Diagnosis - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2020's comic on:


Tags #confirmed, #cooties, #diagnosis, #doctor, #medicine, #Opinion, #professional, #skepticism, #symptom, #test

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doctor: in my professional opinion, you have a bad case of the cooties. we don't have any tests for cooties, but the main symptom is skepticism, and you have that. dilbert: cooties are not real. doctor: diagnosis confirmed.

Tons Of Experience

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Tons Of Experience - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #employment, #interviews, #lying, #managers & supervisors, #experience

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Boss: We only hire people who have experience. Man: How can I get experience if no one wants to hire inexperienced people? Boss: We do hire liars. Man: Oh, good. I have tons of experience.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2018's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #assumption, #arguing, #logic, #argument

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Man: You said the software would be finished by today. Dilbert: I said it might be finished by today. Man: Why did you say it might be finished if you knew it wouldn't? Dilbert: I didn't know it wouldn't be finished. Man: Now you're flip-flopping all over the place. Dilbert: You're conflating your own false memories with my actions. Man: That's exactly what liars say. Dogbert: How was work? Dilbert: Totally normal. Unfortunately.

Both Huge Liars

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Both Huge Liars - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #dating, #tinder, #app, #relationships, #lying, #deceit

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Dilbert: You don't look like your photos on the dating app. Woman: Your profile said you like to go to the gym. So I guess we're both huge liars. Dilbert: Maybe we can build on that.

The Problem Is Humans

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The Problem Is Humans  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #culture, #consultant, #human nature, #company culture, #business

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Boss: Our consultant has studied our corporate culture and isolated the problem. Dogbert: The problem is humans. You're all selfish, rotten liars. Boss: What kind of team-building exercise will fix that? Dogbert: I'd try something involving DNA and alien technology.

Boss Loses Wife And Money

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Boss Loses Wife And Money  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 14, 2017's comic on:


Tags #role model, #aspiration, #gambler, #gambling, #money, #Win, #Lose, #success, #quitter

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Boss: It's not easy being a professional gambler. I lost a million dollars and my wife in one week. But I don't want to be a quitter because I know you see me as a role model. Carol: My role model is your wife. Boss: You like quitters?

Boss Hits Jackpot

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 Boss Hits Jackpot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 2017's comic on:


Tags #gambling, #Win, #loss, #money, #obliviousness, #jackpot

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Boss: My side job as a professional gambler is going great. I won a $5,000 jackpot this weekend. Dilbert: How much did you lose? Boss: About $700,000 and my wife. Wally: Didn't you tell her about the $5,000?

Dogbert The Loan Shark

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Dogbert The Loan Shark   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #loan, #loan shark, #money, #racket, #interest

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Boss: I need a loan to finance my professional gambling. Dogbert: That sounds like an excellent idea. I charge 40 percent interest per day, and I'll kill you for missing a payment. Boss: What's the catch? Dogbert: I'm also an identity thief.

Boss Counts Cards

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Boss Counts Cards  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #gambling, #gambler, #card counting, #blackjack, #poker, #cards

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Boss: I've decided to become a professional gambler on the side. Dilbert: Sounds risky. Boss: Nah. I'm teaching myself to count cards. 50...51...51...53! Nailed it again!

Everything Sounds Like A Lie

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Everything Sounds Like A Lie - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2017's comic on:


Tags #lying, #deception, #catch-22, #accusation, #innocence, #guilt

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Tina: Now that everyone knows you are a liar, everything you say sounds like a lie. Dilbert: You starting assumption is wrong. I didn't lie about anything. Tina: That's exactly what liars say. Dilbert: Excuse me while I bang my head on this table until I pass out.