Punish Engineers Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

241 Results for Punish Engineers

View 1 - 10 results for punish engineers comic strips. Discover the best "Punish Engineers" comics from Dilbert.com.

Robots Will Sneak Up On Us

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robots Will Sneak Up On Us - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argue, #business, #employees, #enginners, #managers & supervisors, #replace, #robots, #technology, #train

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we aren't yet ready to replace engineers with robots, but that day will sneak up on us. so i'd like all of you to train a robot to do your jobs, just so we are ready. dilbert: you want us to train our own replacements? boss thinking: this is another thing a robot would not argue about.

View more books now

Compared To Alice

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Compared To Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #comparision, #face mask, #good, #office workers, #punish, #sarcasm, #selfish, #tragic, #work

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: you did great work on this...which has the tragic effect of making my work look less good in comparison. dilbert: will you be punishing me for my good work? alice: yes, but think of it as you not being selfish.

Finding Qualified Engineers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Finding Qualified Engineers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #interview, #questions, #job market, #engineers, #baker, #mortuary, #assistant

View Transcript

Transcript

interview boss: it's hard to find qualified engineers in this job market, so i'm casting a wider net. it says here you have experience as a mortuary assistant and baker. that's not exactly like being an engineer, but i want to stay open-minded. tell me about a time you had to deal with failure and what you did about it. interviewee: well, one time i totally botched an embalming. so i used a chainsaw to reduce the corpse to flushable parts. i told the family he came back to life and ran away. boss: okay. and why did you become a baker? interviewee: so i cold eat my mistakes.

Master Engineer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Master Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #Promotion, #master, #senior, #engineer, #more, #pay, #platinum, #optimism

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i'm promoting you to the position of "master engineer." dilbert: i'm already senior engineer. boss: now you're a master engineer. with all the rights and responsibilities that come with it. dilbert: such as...? boss: well, for example, you can do more kinds of work. dilbert: for more pay? boss: no. no. no! you're thinking of "platinum level" engineers. you're not on of those. dilbert: that comes next?! boss: optimism is not an attractive quality.

Elbonian Spy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonian Spy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #elbonian, #spy, #engineers, #economy, #intellectual, #property, #collaborate

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i hired an elbonian spy who, i assume, will try to steal our intellectual property. it's hard to find good engineers in this economy, so that is a risk i am willing to take. dilbert, i'd like you to collaborate with him. dilbert: can we call it something else?

Microaggressions

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Microaggressions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #human resources, #micro aggressions, #hire, #engineer

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert: someone reported you to human resources for all of your micro aggressions dilbert: what would be an example of one? catbert: it doesn't matter dilbert: it feels as of to should matter catbert: this is why engineers never get hired for human resources

Engineers Don't Lie

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Engineers Don't Lie - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #office, #office workers, #ceo

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i saw dilbert talking to the ceo. i think he's trying to undermine me. catbert: engineers don't lie. the boss: that's what worries me.

Best In The Industry

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Best In The Industry - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #headphones, #best, #persuading, #humor, #confused, #jokes

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The headphones we make are the best in the industry. Man: Our marketing campaign will focus on how they cure brain tumors and raise your IQ. Dilbert: They don't do any of that. Man: This is exactly why we don't let engineers do marketing.

Twizzle The Flurm

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Twizzle The Flurm - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #confused, #employees, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The engineers think I don't understand what they do all day. Catbert: Maybe it's because you don't. Boss: You too? Wally: My project is late because I had to twizzle the flurm. Boss: Okay, that sounds right.

Punishing For Others

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Punishing For Others - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employment, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #salary

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We've decided to level the organization. This means a slight pay cut for senior engineers such as yourself, but I hope you'll be a team player. Dilbert: Are you punishing me for the mediocrity of others? Boss: Only indirectly.