Search Results for "quiet leadership"
Share January 13, 2019's comic on:
Dilbert: I'm turning off my digital devices so I can spend some time with my thoughts. Dogbert: That sounds like a terrible idea. Do you remember what your quiet thoughts were like? Dilbert: Not really. But how bad could it be? This isn't so bad. Just a bit boring. Five minutes later. Dilbert: I'm getting the shakes. The boredom has metastasized. Gaaaa!!! The boredom is overwhelming! Kill me! Kill me! Dogbert: Maybe you should have tried being with people. Dilbert: It was already bad enough.
Share December 02, 2018's comic on:
CEO: Profits have increased thirty percent under my leadership. Dilbert: Snort. CEO: What? Dilbert: All you do is pick the best plans from the options we show you. CEO: Exactly, and I pick the best plan every time. Dilbert: That's because we only show you the best plans compared to the worst plans we can think of. We control every decision you make by manipulating your perception of the options. CEO: We need to fix that. Dilbert: How do you fix something that isn't broken?
Share August 30, 2018's comic on:
The Boss: A few months ago, I realized my staff was unmotivated and working on all the wrong things. It took all of my leadership skills to get them motivated again. Catbert: Are they still doing the wrong things? The Boss: Faster than ever.
Share May 22, 2018's comic on:
Dilbert: Yesterday I asked for clarification on my assignment. But your clarification sounded nothing like the original assignment. Boss: Sometimes it's good to get a second opinion. Dilbert: Not from the same person.
Share February 19, 2018's comic on:
CEO: A feature article in the business press called our leadership a "bunch of morons." Boss: To counter that slanderous story, our new market slogan is "We're Not A Bunch Of Morons!" CEO: Problem solved. Boss: It was deceptively easy.
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Share October 08, 2017's comic on:
Boss: I'm a good judge of people. Dilbert: Really? What am I thinking right now? Boss: Hmmm... You're wondering how you could be more like me. You admire my leadership, and you write about me in glowing terms in your diary. Dilbert: What diary? Boss: Shhh! I'm still reading you. You have no patience and you don't like to be judged. Dilbert: Okay, that's enough. Boss: Nailed it!
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Share July 30, 2017's comic on:
Boss: Why isn't your project done? Dilbert: I can't make the people on my team do any work because I'm not their boss. Boss: Sure you can. It's called leadership. I do it all the time. Dilbert: All you do is threaten to fire people. I can't do that because I"m not their boss. Boss: That's why you have to use your soft leadership skills A good leader can get people to do anything. Dilbert: Then why couldn't you get me to finish my project on time? And why do you pay me? You could just lead me to work for free. Boss: Shut up or I'll fire you.