Raise Comic Strips

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202 Results for Raise

View 1 - 10 results for raise comic strips. Discover the best "Raise" comics from Dilbert.com.

Shaking Hands

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Shaking Hands - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, invent, Alternative, handshake, high-five, month, coffee

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boss: i've invented an alternative to shaking hands. you raise one hand up like the start of a high-five and stop. what do you think? dilbert: why don't you try it for a month and tell me how it goes?

Title Promotion

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Title Promotion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, recognition, outstanding, work, pandemic, title, Promotion, stupid, raise, ungrateful, engineer

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boss: dilbert, in recognition of your outstanding work during the pandemic, i'm giving you a promotion. dilbert: i don't want a stupid title. i want a raise. what's my new title? boss's voice through phone: "ungrateful engineer."

No Raise In Years

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No Raise In Years   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, job, raise, nine, years, face mask, employment

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office worker: i've been working here for nine years, and you haven't given me a single raise! boss: i didn't even know you worked for me. obviously, you didn't do anything useful, or i would have noticed. office worker: well, in that case, i'm glad i didn't give my name.

Should Have Done It Sooner

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Should Have Done It Sooner - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, dollars, failure, managers & supervisors, patch, payroll, problem, raise, savings, software, technology, years

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dilbert: i wrote a software patch that will save three million dollars per year. i feel as if i deserve a bonus or a raise. boss: when did you do it? dilbert: this week. boss: how long did we have the problem? dilbert: five years. boss: then you should have fixed it five years ago. looks like a gigantic failure to me. you should be ashamed of yourself. in another room catbert: did you try my strategy for keeping payroll expenses low? boss: works like magic.

Rot From The Inside

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Rot From The Inside - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, work, ethic, abysmal, loan, project, hate, rot, idea, raise

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boss: wally, your work ethic is abysmal. you're fired. wally: wouldn't it make more sense to loan me to a project you hate, so i can rot it from the inside? boss: that's not your worst idea. wally: is a raise out of the question?

Wally Has Higher Income

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Wally Has Higher Income - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lying, managers & supervisors, money, office workers, bribe, salary

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Wally: Now that I'm the boss's new pet employee, my income is higher than ever. Dilbert: I didn't realize it came with a raise. Wally: It's more of an indirect thing. Man: I'll give you $100 to tell the boss good things about me. Wally: My price for lying is $200.

Asok Moves Into A Pod

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Asok Moves Into A Pod - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employment, finances, home, money, office workers, salary, apartment

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Asok: Thanks to my raise, I can afford to move out of my home in the men's restroom stall and into a pod. Dilbert: A pod? Asok: A pod! Dilbert: Is it better than the stall? Asok: It's smaller, but better appointed.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags budget, business, office, raise, project

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the boss: i can't give you a raise because you did not complete your project. dilbert: that's because you canceled my project for budget reasons and assigned me to work on another project. the boss: did you finish your new project? dilbert: you only recently assigned it to me. the boss: apparently, i keep giving you work, but you never complete any of it. dilbert visually distressed: that is a total distortion of what happened! dilbert: i can't reward you for having good intentions and finishing nothing! dilbert: why not wait and see now i do on my current project? the boss: we don't need that anymore.

Winners Never Quit

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Winners Never Quit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, sarcasm, inspirational quotes

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the boss: i'm not having much luck with my inspirational quotes, but i thought i would try one more time. the boss: "winners never quit, and quitters never win." dilbert: when ted quit, you gave him a raise to stay. the boss: these work better when you don't think about them.