Random Mangement Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

79 Results for Random Mangement

View 1 - 10 results for random mangement comic strips. Discover the best "Random Mangement" comics from Dilbert.com.

Disinfecting Keyboard

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Disinfecting Keyboard - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #fire, #software, #vendors, #disinfect, #keyboard, #random, #message, #accident, #mistake

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i fired all of our software vendors and erased my hard drive as you ordered. boss holding bottle of disinfectant: really? i was disinfecting my keyboard, and i must have sent you a random message by accident. oops.

Think About Long Term

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Think About Long Term - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #long term, #dynamics, #reasonable, #random, #decision, #job, #employment

View Transcript

Transcript

office worker: we need to think longer term about how all of these dynamics play out. dilbert: sounds reasonable. what exactly were we doing before? office worker: i can't speak for anyone else, but i was making random decisions and hoping i'd change jobs before anyone found out.

Bad Qualities Cancel Out

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bad Qualities Cancel Out - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #managers & supervisors, #qualities, #character, #cancel, #micro-manage, #lazy, #backstabbing, #brave, #lie, #credibility, #believe, #employees, #success, #manager, #random, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: all of my bad qualities see to be canceling each other out. for example, i want to micro-manage my staff, bi=ut i'm too lazy. and i want to do some corporate backstabbing, but i'm not that brave. i enjoy lying, and i'd like to do more of it, but my credibility is so low that no one believes me. i want to mock my employees for their mistakes, but i don't understand enough about what they do to know when they are doing it wrong. i want to take credit for the successes of my employees, but i don't give them enough support to succeed. carol: our set just called. he says he is naming you the manager of the year. boss: he must be deeply uninformed. carol: yes, but he's also lazy, so he pocked you randomly.

Pick Midpoint

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Pick Midpoint - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #projections, #accurate, #random, #guess, #midpoint, #decision

View Transcript

Transcript

bos: which of your two projections do you think is more accurate? dilbert: they are both random guesses. i made two of them to create an illusion of a credible range. boss: so...would it be reasonable to pick the midpoint? dilbert: it's as reasonable as your other decisions.

Need Boss To Make Decision

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Need Boss To Make Decision - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #boss, #decision, #engineering, #knowledge, #marketing, #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We need your help making a decision. Jeff doesn't understand my product strategy because he isn't an engineer. And I don't understand any of his marketing nonsense. That's why we came to you. Boss: Because I understand both marketing and engineering? Dilbert: No, it's because you don't understand either one. We didn't have a coin to flip, and your decisions are totally random, so... Boss: Maybe you could describe the situation. Dilbert: I don't see how that helps.

Lack Of Strategy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lack Of Strategy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #strategy, #business, #company, #employees, #nothing

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: once again, it seems you accomplished absolutely nothing this week wally: no on will tell me our company's strategy, so anything i did would be random flailing boss: a lack of strategy isn't keeping anyone else from working wally: but shouldn't it?

App For Random Praise

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
App For Random Praise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #cell phone, #criticism, #office, #praise

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i've stopped trying to understand what you do all day long. the boss: now i use an app that reminds me at random times to praise you or to criticize you. alice: that is the dumbest thing you have ever done. the bosses cell phone: ping! the boss: keep up the good work!

New Year's Day

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
New Year's Day - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #holidays, #new year's day, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Happy random calendar date. I'll be celebrating by doing nothing fun or useful all day because everything is closed. Dogbert: You could visit your mom. Dilbert: How's that different from what I just said?

New Year Resolution

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
New Year Resolution  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #holidays, #new year, #sarcasm, #weight, #new year's resolutions

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Do you have any New Year's resolutions? Dilbert: I resolve to not make major decisions about my life based on random calendar dates. Carol: So...nothing about your weight? Dilbert: Worst holiday ever.

Estimate Of Timeline

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Estimate Of Timeline - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #deadline, #goals, #ultimatum

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How fast can you fix the bug? Dilbert: I won't know until I dig in. Boss: Give me a random guess and I promise I won't hold you to it. Dilbert: Okay, three days. Boss: Now write that into your goals and get it done in three days or else. Dilbert: Why do I keep falling for that?!!!