boss: headquarters has released a new list of things you are not supposed to say when visiting our elbonian factory.
at the top of the list, never say "glfalawah" to an elbonian.
alice: because it means something naughty?
boss: because it isn't a word.
boss: you think you made a good argument, but... you are failing to consider the overall implications of the long-term ramifications with regard to strategic priorities.
dilbert: that big bowl of word salad suggests i triggered you into cognitive dissonance.
boss: tuna carpet!
Boss: I hear you were being sarcastic about safety. Obviously, you don't take safety seriously, so I have to send you to a safety re-education camp for a week.
Dilbert: That will totally fix this problem.
Boss: You just bought yourself an extra week.
Man: What do you think of my idea?
Dilbert: To be honest, I didn't hear a word of it. I spent the whole time being worried about that bead of sweat on your forehead.
Man: It's warm in here!
Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be a thousand yards in that direction.
dilbert: if you need an help at all, just let me know.
employee: i need a lot of help. be here at 8 am and plan to work late.
dilbert: this is awkward, but i didn't mean a word of what i said.
Boss: Run this by Tina before you send it out.
Dilbert: I already did.
Boss: Make sure legal signs off on it.
Dilbert: They did.
Boss: Add the revenue graph from Alice's slide deck.
Dilbert: It's in the exhibits in the back.
Boss: You need to compare this plan to the "do nothing" option.
Dilbert: That's on the next page.
Boss: I need you to change something on this document so my life has meaning.
Dilbert: I put a misspelled word on page seven for you.
Boss: Fix it.
boss: i hired a toxic employee to keep the rest of you on your toes. if you utter one wrong word, this thing will report you to human resources. dilbert: what gender is it? toxic employee: stop hitting on me.
the boss: i just got word that we're about to start a two-step reorg.
the boss: in step one, we will centralize functions. then, in step two, we will realize it was a huge mistake and reorganize back to the old way.
ted: why don't we just keep it the way it is?
dilbert: first day?
wally: our new system installation is a catastrophe.
wally: we need to tear it out and re-architect it from scratch.
wally: i'm the only person qualified to lead that effort.
wally: but given the enormity of the job, i won't do it without a raise or promotion.
the boss: weren't you the cause of the catastrophe?
wally: exactly: that's why i'm the only person who knows how to fix it.
the boss: are you blackmailing me?
wally: no, it's nothing like that.
the boss: wouldn't i be rewarding you for failure?
wally: let's not label it.
