Reading Opinions Comic Strips
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co-worker: can i get your thoughts on the article i emailed to you? dilbert: okay. my thoughts are that i don't want to waste my time reading any articles you send to me. co-worker: can you dive a bit deeper? dilbert: okay. i also don't like talking to you.
boss in staff meeting: the company will no longer do performance reviews. from now on, you will be ranked on the acceptability of your political and social opinions. dilbert: do you have a list of acceptable opinions? boss: there will be no hints.
boss: get ted's input before you finalize the plan. dilbert: ted is the dumbest human being in the known universe. his opinion can only make things worse. boss: that's how we do it here. dilbert: i didn't realize it was a strategy.
co-worker: i can't support this project because you're all a bunch of corrupt, godless communists. dilbert: just out of curiosity, where did you get your education? co-worker: i learned everything i need to know on social media. dilbert: how does that help you evaluate a technical proposal? co-worker: it's simple. i take one look at all of your faces, and i know everything i need to know. co-worker looking at wally: i mean, look at this guy's face. he's obviously a grifter. wally: lucky guess. co-worker looking at alice: this one obviously has anger issues. dilbert: i demand a larger sample size! co-worker: whatever geek face.
boss: i was going to give this assignment to alice, but i know she would complain about it. dilbert reading paper: i don't want it either. boss: do you plan to complain about it later? dilbert: not to your face. boss: problem solved.
tina: i can't be your friend because i saw a disturbing photo of you on social media. you were in a group photo with a person whose opinions i abhor. dilbert: can you explain why that makes me a bad person? tina: sure. duh. when you appear in photos with other people, you acquire their bad characteristics. dilbert: i don't think that's how it works. tina: that's exactly how it works! one photo with a jerk makes you a jerk! case closed! dilbert taking selfie with Tina in background: smile. tina upset: no-ooo!!!
court of stupidity judge with gavel: the court rules that dilbert should magically know what his boss wants at all times. dilbert: i'm not a mind-reader! judge: prove it! dilbert: how can i prove i can't read minds? judge: easy. tell me what i'm not thinking.
tina the tech writer tina: in simple terms, tell me how the technology works, so i can write about it. one hour later dilbert pointing to flow chart: and that's how it all...uh-oh. if i am reading your body language correctly, you're saying i could have shortened that. continued...
dilbert: i'm not good at reading faces. what does that one mean? man: it means i'm mad at myself for over sleeping and having to rush to work, so i hate your guts. dilbert: oh. i was guessing it was something about pancakes. probably because i'm hungry.
dilbert: why are you mad at me? Carol: i'm not dilbert: oh. i'm not good at reading people's feelings carol: true dilbert: are you flirting with me now? carol getting up: i'm going to sit over here