Reduce Wear And Tear Comic Strips

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207 Results for Reduce Wear And Tear

View 1 - 10 results for reduce wear and tear comic strips. Discover the best "Reduce Wear And Tear" comics from Dilbert.com.

Golden Age For Wally

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Golden Age For Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #6 feet, #avoid, #coffee, #eye contact, #face mask, #grocery shopping, #office workers, #social distancing, #upgrade, #Women

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wally at coffee pot talking to Dilbert:: social distancing has been a great upgrade to my life. in the old days, women avoided me by at least ten feet. now i often get within seven. i think it's because i'm better-looking with most of my face covered. especially if i wear a hat and sunglasses. and i learned that women will talk to me if i walk the wrong way down a grocery aisle. they're usually complaining but at least they make eye contact. it's sort of a golden age for people like me.

Betting On Management

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 Betting On Management  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #covid-19, #business, #technology, #confidence, #management, #infection, #coronavirus, #bet, #stupidity, #income, #betting, #health

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dilbert: does it reduce your confidence in our management that 100% of them got infected with coronavirus. wally: all i know is that i won $300 betting it would happen. dilbert: how often do you bet on their stupidity? wally: often enough to double my income.

No More Id Badges

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No More Id Badges    - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #employment, #i.d. badge, #employees, #freedom, #tattoo, #sarcasm, #face mask

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boss: the company is considering no longer requiring employees to wear i.d. badges. asok yelling: yes! freedom! dilbert: too too. hold... hold... boss: ...in favor of permanent forehead tattoos. dilbert: always wait for the second part.

Ratio Is Too High

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Ratio Is Too High - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #expense, #budget, #capital, #ratio, #too high, #afford, #standards, #historical, #irrelevant, #manage, #department

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boss: we need to reduce our expense budget to 40% of our capital budget. dilbert: why do we need to do that? boss: because the ratio is too high. dilbert: are you saying we can't afford it? boss: no. i'm saying the ratio is too high. dilbert: okay, but by what standard is it "too high"? boss: by historical standards, it has never been this high. dilbert: i don't think we want to start using an irrelevant ratio to manage the department. boss: to be fair, this is just the first time you noticed.

Wally Must Say Something

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Wally Must Say Something   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #technology, #meeting, #attention, #confused, #face mask, #follow-up, #questions, #project, #employee, #engagement, #business

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wally thinking: i need to say something to show i'm paying attention. wally: i'm concerned that the project could reduce employee engagement. boss: what does that even mean? wally thinking: i wasn't expecting follow-up questions.

Great Idea

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Great Idea - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #idea, #office workers, #sarcasm, #trick, #truth, #evidence

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Boss: I have a great idea. Let's create a google document that we can all update. Dilbert: That is exactly the idea I suggested to you yesterday. Boss: You can't prove that. Dilbert: That was only true until I learned to wear a wire.

Stopping Theft Everywhere

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Stopping Theft Everywhere - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #business, #technology, #system, #reduce, #theft, #dumb, #product

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dilbert: and by using this system, we will drastically reduce theft. co-worker: that's the dumbest think i have ever heard. no one can stop theft everywhere in the world. dilbert: i said we would reduce it, not eliminate it. and only for our own products. co-worker: so, in other words, it won't work. dilbert: it works to reduce theft. co-worker: but you admit there will be theft. dilbert standing and yelling: what is wrong with you???? co-worker: hey, i'm not the one who is in favor of theft.

Makeup Under Mask

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Makeup Under Mask  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #makeup, #masks, #offended, #office workers, #pandemic, #human resources

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Dilbert: Do you wear makeup under the mask where no one can see it? Or do you leave your snout area all pale and pimply? Tina: Stop imagining me unmasked. Dilbert: I'll report myself to human resources.

Ghosts Use Bitcoin

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Ghosts Use Bitcoin - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #money, #die, #ghost, #password, #bitcoin, #clothes

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boss drinking coffee: they say you can't take your money with you when you die. but does that include bitcoin? because even a ghost can remember a password. dilbert: why would a ghost need money? boss: have you never noticed they all wear clothes?

Finding Qualified Engineers

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Finding Qualified Engineers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #interview, #questions, #job market, #engineers, #baker, #mortuary, #assistant

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interview boss: it's hard to find qualified engineers in this job market, so i'm casting a wider net. it says here you have experience as a mortuary assistant and baker. that's not exactly like being an engineer, but i want to stay open-minded. tell me about a time you had to deal with failure and what you did about it. interviewee: well, one time i totally botched an embalming. so i used a chainsaw to reduce the corpse to flushable parts. i told the family he came back to life and ran away. boss: okay. and why did you become a baker? interviewee: so i cold eat my mistakes.