Reducing Inventory Comic Strips
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dilbert wearing face mask and carrying computer bag: i'm going into the office to upgrade a server. according to my boss, reducing network latency is more important than my life. can i depend on you to not change the locks while i'm gone? dogbert: only if you sleep in the garage.
dibert, the boss and ask at conference table. the boss: our plan for reducing turnover is to encourage smoking. the boss: that way, everyone gets a relaxing smoke break several times per day. dilbert: or non-smokers could take breaks. the boss: now i wish you had been in the meeting when we planned this.
CEO: We need to reduce headcount, but we plan to do it by attrition. We're loosening our safety standards and letting nature do the rest. Voice: Gaaa!!! Ouch!!! CEO: You might want to keep your headphones on for a week or so.
Boss: I want you to get rid of that 3-D printed robot that looks and acts like me. Dilbert: No problem. Alice takes care of all the excess robot inventory. Alice: I don't always have passion for my work, but today is looking good.
Coworker says, "Did you read my long e-mail?" Dilbert says, "Not yet. What's it about?" Coworker says, "I can't say." Coworker says, "If I tell you what I wrote, the effort I put into writing the e-mail will be transformed into a waste of time." Dilbert says, "I just decided to delete your e-mail before reading it. Therefore it is already wasted." Dilbert says, "You are now free to tell me its contents without reducing your productivity." Coworker says, "Oh. Okay." Coworker says, "It was something about improving communication. But I worded it better." Coworker says, "Maybe you should read it." Dilbert says, "Maybe you should."
Man says, "We have the best hidden costs of any vendor." Man says, "Our upgrade and maintenance fees won't kick in until you've already received a bonus for reducing costs." Man thinks, "Please, please, please be a sociopath." Wally says, "Sounds good. I'm not a big fan of our stockholders."
The Boss says, "Wally, I need you to do an inventory in our warehouses. It should take about a month." Wally says, "Hypothetically, would anyone know the difference if I just made up the numbers?" The Boss says, "Well, no?" Wally says, "Dream job!"
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "According to your skills inventory, the only thing you are good at is?" Catbert says, "?diverting attention from your own lack of value." Wally says, "Is it just me, or is there a deadly gas leak in the building?" Catbert says, "Erk!"