Removed Comic Strips
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View 1 - 10 results for removed comic strips. Discover the best "Removed" comics from Dilbert.com.
boss: can you believe a vendor tried to come in here with no face mask? i told him it didn't matter what kind of face covering he used, it only mattered that he had one. this is where my tale takes a dark turn. now peeved, the vendor stormed back to his car, where he had a bagged lunch. he angrily removed the plastic wrap from his sandwich and wrapped it around his head to serve as his face mask. he suffocated in minutes obviously. dilbert: is that the sandwich? boss: would have gone to waste.
Dilbert: We removed the neural interface to your brain. Do you remember anything we made you do? Boss: No, not a thing. Dilbert: That's probably for the best. Boss: Did I break any laws? Alice: Not according to the cop you dated for three days.
Boss: We are going to start monitoring employee productivity in real time. Any questions? Dilbert: I need one clarification. Are you saying you removed the last shred of human dignity from our jobs and reduced us to nothing but a meat machine that suffers in a state of perpetual inadequacy as each person is compared to an arbitrary and ever-growing goal until there is no realistic way for the employee to find happiness through natural means? Boss: That's one way to look at it.
Mordac: I am Mordac, the preventer of information services, and I forbid you from using the shared color printer for rough drafts! Dilbert: That sounds reasonable, which makes me wonder what you're up to. Two Months Later Why did you remove the color printer? Mordac: It was hardly ever used.
Tags #being a jerk, #big picture, #breaking up tasks, #emotionally gutted, #engineer, #engineers, #individual tasks, #losing will to live, #meetings, #personal life, #project plan, #rational plan, #sense of purpose, #engineering
Boss: Any comments on the project plan? Dilbert: When you consider all of the tasks together, they form a rational plan. But our individual tasks are so far removed from the big picture that they are stripped of meaning. You've managed to remove all sense of purpose from my life. On an intellectual level, I understand the benefits of breaking tasks into small chunks. But you've left me emotionally gutted. As I read your plan, I'm losing my will to live. Boss: Can't you find meaning in your personal life? Tina: He's an engineer. Dilbert: Now you're just being a jerk.
"I need Tuesday off because my son is having his tonsils removed." "Since when do you know how to remove tonsils?" "Um...I won't be performing the surgery myself." "Do you have a rare blood type that you need to donate?" "No. Actually, I was planning on sitting in the waiting room to give him moral support." "So your kid is immoral and sick? He sounds like a real winner." "What I mean is that I plan to have a cold on Tuesday." "Well, I can see where your kid gets it from."
Dilbert: Where were you last week? Wally: I had my coccyx removed. Im having all of my unnecessary parts removed so I can get time off from work. Dilbert: How about the part of your brain that makes you care about others? Wally: its on the list after tonsils.
The Boss: "I removed all the chairs to encourage more efficient meetings." "The first item on the agenda is... Ow, ow! Legs so tired... Meeting adjourned!!!" Wally: "I always wondered what efficiency looked like."
The Boss brings Dilbert a piece of paper. He tells him, "Good idea, Dilbert ... I made a few changes and sent it out." Dilbert reads the paper and screams, "GAAA!" Dilbert says, "You removed the parts that made it a visionary idea!" As the Boss stares at him blankly, Dilbert continues, "Now it's just an unimaginative retread of an idea that has been widely discredited." Dilbert yells in shock, "GAAA! AND IT HAS MY NAME ON IT!" Dilbert collapses back on his desk, saying, "That idea was the energizing force that gave me strength to work." Dilbert yells, "NOW IT'S DEAD! YOU KILLED IT!" Dilbert lies backwards, his head on his desk, gurgling. The Boss says, "I'd love to chat but I have to manage someone else now."
Caption: "CAtbert: H.R. Director". Catbert is at his desk. A voice says, "The ceiling in my work area collapsed." A man stands with a still beam stuck on his head. Catbert says, "No one else has complained." The man says, "A steel beam hit me in the head!" Catbert says, "How can I be sure it didn't happen in your home?" The man says, "There aren't any steel beams in my house!!" Catbert says, "Maybe you removed them with your head." The man says, "Uh-oh.... losing consciousness." and falls over. Catbert says, to the man's feet, "If you can hear me, don't worry! I'll write your suicide note!!"