Resort Fee Comic Strips
28 Results for Resort Fee
View 1 - 10 results for resort fee comic strips. Discover the best "Resort Fee" comics from Dilbert.com.
dogbert: for a reasonable fee, i will audit your company and find any fraud or crime if it exists. dilbert: what's to stop you from taking bribes from the fraudsters and reporting that everything is fine? dogbert: my business model depends on you not asking that kind of question.
Asok: I want a job I can enjoy. Dilbert: You want to work for free? Asok: No, I just want to get paid for doing things I want to do. Dilbert: Perhaps you misunderstand the true nature of "work." The reason your employer pays you is because work is unpleasant by its very nature. If the job were fun, the company would charge you a fee for letting you do it. Boss: Asok, I need you to climb into the dumpster and find out what's making it smell so bad. Asok: At least I'm doing something useful. Boss: No, it's more of a curiosity situation.
Dilbert: I assume we pay you based on how much you increase our social media hits. Consultant: No. My fee is whatever I think you're dumb enough to pay for ambiguous outcomes. Dilbert: Either hope just left my body or the popcorn is getting chatty. Social media expert
Tina: Are you the new upaid intern? Coworker: No, but that's what I aspire to be. I'm merely an intern to another intern. And I pay a resort fee just to use the restroom. Tina: At least you get valuable work experience. Coworker: Until he zips the eyeholes on the leather hood I wear in meetings.
Dogbert: I'm a patent troll, but you can call me a non-practicing entity. For a huge fee, I will use my patents to thwart the companies that are trying to thwart you with their own patents. Together we can strangle innovation and plunge civilization into the dark ages! Boss: That would even the playing field.
Dogbert: I'll manage your portfolio for a standard industry fee of 1% per year. Wally: I'm investing a billion dollars. Your fee would be $10 million per year. Dogbert: Those index funds aren't going to pick themselves.
Asok says, "I'm going to a seminar that will teach me how to make a million dollars!" Alice says, "It's a scam." Asok says, "How could you know that?" Asok says, "I haven't even told you the name of the seminar!" Asok says, "You can't be sure it is a scam if you know none of the details." Asok says, "You just want to crush my hopes so I become like you." Asok says, "But it won't work because I have dreams! I won't be a bitter and broken cynic like you two!" Asok says, "I'll have the last laugh after I pay my nominal fee and learn how to 'Turn a Hundred Dollars Into a Million.'" Dogbert says, "invest $100 at 5% interest and wait 190 years. Thanks for coming."
Dilbert says, "How much do I owe you in legal fees for helping me win my lawsuit?" Dogbert says, "My fee is 100% of the jury award plus I get to call you names that sound worse than they are." Dilbert says, "That doesn't seem fair." Dogbert says, "You're an analog."