ceo on video conference: i used to be rich, but i lost it all in the stock market crash during the pandemic. luckily, i can make up the difference by working you idiots to death while underpaying you.
video chat: we thought you didn't have a strategy.
ceo: i just don't like to talk about it.
dogbert at laptop: now that i'm managing the cloud, it's time to make some social changes. i'll transfer any remaining money from low-income people to the rich.
dilbert in bath robe: that feels wrong.
dogbert: i'm just adding efficiently to the inevitable.
Dilbert: We're getting sued for claiming out headphones cure brain tumor and raise your IQ.
Boss: We'll need to hire a scientist to back us on this.
Dilbert: Where will we find a scientist willing to do that?
Boss: Well, I wouldn't start with the rich ones.
Dilbert: Can I date a co-worker? Catbert: I doubt it. You're not attractive, funny, or rich. Dilbert: I mean, is it allowed under company rules? Catbert: We only have rules about things that might happen.
Asok: Can you mentor me on how to be successful? Wally: Your best strategy is a combination of lying and being related to rich people. Asok: What is the second-best strategy? Wally: Crime is second. Winning a lottery is third.
Dilbert: I thought you were going to jail for murdering the clients of your cryogenic investment firm. Dogbert: I argued that my clients were already dead. The judge reduced the charge to "aggressive littering." Dilbert: You kicked two-hundred unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: You sound just like that angry prosecutor.
Police Officer: Before I arrest you, I'll need to know your net worth. We have a slightly different process for arresting rich folks. Dogbert: I'm very rich. Police Officer: In that case, I'll wear the handcuffs.
Narrator: Dogbert's Cryogenic Investment Firm. Dogbert: We'll freeze your brain for 200 years and then transplant it into a 3-D printed body. By then, your investments will be worth a fortune. Man: Is there any risk to my brain? Dogbert: You'll have an IQ of 45, but that doesn't matter when you're rich.
Boss: You need to edit the product warning from seven hundred pages down to one. Tina: Oh, that's rich. I'ma professional technical writer, and you're telling me how to write? Boss: Can you cut it down to 500 pages? Tina: Sure, if you want it to be total rubbish.
