Rise Above Comic Strips

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59 Results for Rise Above

View 1 - 10 results for rise above comic strips. Discover the best "Rise Above" comics from Dilbert.com.

Satellite Launch

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Satellite Launch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags satellite, launch, radar, alien, spaceship, systems, technology, reality, suggestion, rocket, trajectory, bird, belgium

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dilbert in control room with others: we've triple-checked all systems, and we are ready to launch the satellite. nothing can go wrong. initiating launch. boss: nothing can go wrong? what if an alien spaceship appears over the launch site? dilbert: gaaa!!! don't jinx us. boss: that's not how reality works. i can't make things happen just by suggesting them. dilbert: you're wrong! that is exactly how reality works! wa;;y: something just appeared on radar directly above the rockets trajectory. boss: maybe it's a bird. wally: it's the size of belgium.

Dilbert Characters

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags company culture, culture, hiring, incompetence, work culture, good fit, stigma, cultural hires, wishes, rise above

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Larry: Hi, I'm Larry. I was hired because I'm a good cultural fit. I hope we can get past the stigma that cultural hires are incompetent. But I don't know how to do that. Alice: Maybe you could ask a competent person to help you.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competition (psychology), inventions, decoy

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Dilbert: My invention will change the world and get me promoted three levels above you. Boss: Haa-chaaa! Sorry. I'm usually more subtle. Dilbert: No worries. This was a decoy.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, patents, patent applications, desiccated turnip

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CEO: Put my name above yours on all of your patent applications. Because your brain, without the genius of my leadership, would be like a desiccated turnip. All you are, and all you will ever be... Dilbet: Right... got it... name on patent...

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags above average, ignorance (knowledge), managers & supervisors, top 110%, study of managers, percentages, business

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Boss: A study says that 74% of managers think they are above average. That means that 36% of managers aren't aware that they are above average too. Dilbert: The way I look at it, you're all in the top 110%. Boss: Exactly. Thank you.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags exercise & fitness, office workers, engineers, telomeres, value work, company gym, slacker trap

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Boss: We're looking for engineers with short telomeres for their age. That's an indication that you value work above exercise. Man: But you have a company gym. Boss: That's our slacker trap!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, suspicion, features for product, overstaffed, spare time, job description, healthy raise, highest performance rating

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Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags stealing, talking, falling, teamwork, quick, stunned, shocked, surprised, economy

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The boss says, "Employee theft is on the rise because of the economy." Foop! Foop! The boss says, "They finally figured out how to work as a team."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags writing, newsletter, reading, ridicule, Family, annoyed

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Tina says, "I've been asked to chronicle your rise to management for the company newsletter." Tina says, "So far, I have the story of how your father was a barrel-shaped moron who married a blind woman." Tina says, "But it could have been the other way around. I'm mostly guessing." The boss says, "Lucky guess."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags salary, above midpoint, sock, hand, paycheck, demonstration, money

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The Boss says, "Your salary is already above the midpoint for your pay range." The Boss says, "Excuse me while I remove a sock to explain what will happen to your pay going forward." The Boss says, "Let's say the sock is inflation and my hand is your paycheck."