Roman General Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for roman general comic strips. Discover the best "Roman General" comics from Dilbert.com.

General Incompetence

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General Incompetence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #project, #success, #expectations, #destroy, #incompetent, #sarcasm

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dilbert: in summary, my project was successful beyond all expectations. Colleague: my relative lack of success this year makes me hate you and want to destroy you. dilbert: what's stopping you? colleague: general incompetence. same thing that killed all of my projects.

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When To Reply To Boss Text

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When To Reply To Boss Text - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #communication, #performance, #response, #review, #sarcasm, #spreadsheet, #technology, #text

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wally: how long should i wait before responding to a text message from my boss? dilbert: that depends. are you already overworked? wally: um, sure. dilbert: do you need to teach him a lesson for any unrelated things he did? wally: always. dilbert: do you dislike him in general? wally: yes. dilbert: lastly, how many months until your next performance review? wally: seven. dilbert: okay....putting those inputs into my spreadsheet. you can wait 27 minutes before responding. wally: oh. i was hoping it would be closer to five days. dilbert: when did he text you? wally: i believe it was august.

You Will Get Used To It

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You Will Get Used To It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coworkers, #Politics, #disagreement, #Opinion, #flaw, #personality, #psychology

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Boss: I can't assign you to a project team because everyone hates you for your political opinions. Wally: And they don't hate me for being useless in general? Boss: I guess we all got used to that. Wally: You'll get used to the other thing, too. Give it some time.

Biggest Obstacle

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Biggest Obstacle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticism, #honesty, #success

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Boss: What is your biggest obstacle to success on this project? Dilbert: It's you. It's always you. Should I add that to the business plan? Boss: Let's keep it general.

Doomed Smartwatch Project

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Doomed Smartwatch Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #analogy, #obliviousness, #assignment, #technology, #invention, #watch, #failure

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Boss: You'll be in charge of our smart watch project. Dilbert: ...that is doomed from the start. Boss: Stop being such a pessimist. Dilbert: Said General Custer to his horse. Boss: Why would he talk to his horse? Dilbert: Because even the horse knew something was wrong!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new idea, #dream, #3d glasses, #for real life, #people love 3d, #not movies, #obvious, #ideas

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CEO: Last night, an idea for a new product came to me in a dream. Dilbert: ICK CEO: 3-D Glasses. Dilbert: To watch movies? CEO: No, real life. Dilbert: So...The glasses would make life in general appear three-dimensional? CEO: Exactly! People Love 3-D Stuff. Dilbert: Im not going to respond to your idea. Im just going to sit here looking three-dimensional. CEO: wait....how are you doing that? Dilbert: Im wearing glasses that make me look 3-D

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #obstinacy, #resistant to change, #reports, #terrible ideas, #confusing

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Boss: I'm getting reports again that you're resistant to change. Dilbert: I only resist terrible ideas but I can see how that would confuse you. Boss: Whatever you're doing, cut it out. Dilbert: Should I stop being rational in general or only i this one way?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #death & dying, #funerals, #ashes, #cremation, #scattered, #outer space, #elbonian general, #intercontinental missile, #burden on living

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Dilbert: When I die, I want my ashes scattered in outer space. Dogbert: Cool! I'll bribe an Elbonian general to strap you to their intercontinental missile when we test it next week. Dilbert: It's better if the dying and the ash scattering are separate events. Dogbert: Don't be a burden on the living.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #friendship, #make conversation, #sociopathic loner, #co workers, #coffee break, #meet up, #relationships

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Wally: Do you feel any need to make conversation? Dilbert: Nope. But I don't mind standing in your general vicinity to counter the common perception of you as a sociopathic loner. Wally: You totally get me. Dilbert: That's what acquaintances are for.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #empire consultant, #crown, #king, #attendance, #present, #luck, #bit rate, #lab coat, #raise hand

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Dogbert the empire builder consultant Dogbert says, "Success is just attendance plus luck." Dogbert says, "You always want to be in the general vicinity when something good happens." Dilbert says, "Wow. I just doubled the bit rate." Boss says, "Present!"