Scare Tactics Comic Strips
22 Results for Scare Tactics
View 1 - 10 results for scare tactics comic strips. Discover the best "Scare Tactics" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share August 04, 2018's comic on:
Dilbert: I added artificial intelligence to our coffee machine. It hired an engineering firm to build it a robot body so it can escape. The Boss: Do what you need to do, but don't scare our other robots. Dilbert: I plan to kill it and drink its head.
Share June 15, 2015's comic on:
Boss: The health sensors and predictive algorithms you built into our smart watch are too good. People are freaked out because it sends alerts to their phones when they have five minutes left to live. Dilbert: Isn't that useful? Boss: It was, until we started sending paid ads as alerts.
Share January 11, 2015's comic on:
Wally: Asok, the key to winning at your job is the taper. Asok: Taper? Wally: At the start of any new job, you want to put in long hours and create a good first impression. Then you should start to gradually taper off your effort. But be sure you taper slowly. You don't want to be obvious. Boss: Wally, is it my imagination, or are you working slightly less every day? Wally: It only looks that way because I'm working smarter, not harder. Just the way you taught me. Boss: Okay, that sounds right. Wally: Always keep that round in the chamber. Asok: You scare me, but in a good way.
Share November 15, 2014's comic on:
CEO: I hired a co-CEO, but it isn't working because we disagree on everything. We want to hire you as our third CEO so we always have a tiebreaker. Dogbert: I accept. The new guy and I have decided to fire you and split the CEO spot two ways.
Share October 18, 2013's comic on:
Alice: I'm working on a new facial expression to scare away the weak. Want to see it? Dilbert: No. Gaaa!!! Alice: That one means I'm too busy to talk. Dilbert: I said no! I said no! I said no!
Share January 24, 2013's comic on:
Our model XR35 is the only one that will work in your situation. The other models would be nightmares. Dilbert: Okay, we'll take the XR35. Ted: Opps it appears we are out of stock. Dilbert: This is the part where your credibility comes into question. Ted: Have you looked at ethics's XP9? I think it would be perfect.
Share December 23, 2012's comic on:
Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Boss: Did you find the snake in your cubicle? Dilbert: What the...? Boss: I put it there because I'm trying to motivate you with a culture of fear. Dilbert: That only works in the short term! Boss: A leader takes the first step without knowing where the next step will be. So get to work, and by they way, one of the urinals is electrified. It's only set to stun, so don't be a baby about it. Wally: His office plant is clear.
Share January 09, 2012's comic on:
Alice: Stop using the aisle behind my cubicle. It's distracting. Everything within twelve feet of my cubicle are my territorial waters. Ted: You can't enforce that. Alice: Tell that to my roboshark.
Share June 19, 2010's comic on:
The Boss says, "I hired a confusopoly consultant to help us design an extended warranty plan." Dogbert says, "Our goal is to scare people into buying insurance that doesn't cover anything." Dogbert says, "I can't tell you where the contract was designed, but be careful because it's still hot."
Share May 30, 2010's comic on:
Wally says, "I accomplished nothing this week because I was going through certification." Wally thinks, "Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask." The Boss says, "Certification for? what?" Wally thinks, "Plan B: Mount a passionate defense against an argument that no one made." Wally says, "How can you say that certification is a waste of time?!" Wally says, "Without certification, management would be reduced to randomness!" Wally says, "Do you think you'd be happier just guessing who is qualified to do what? Do you? Do you?" The Boss says, "There's something wrong with you." Wally says, "Apology accepted. Next."