Scared Dilbert Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Scared Dilbert

View 1 - 10 results for scared dilbert comic strips. Discover the best "Scared Dilbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Needs Alone Time

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Dilbert Has To Be Right

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Dilbert Not On Mute

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Real Men Multitask

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Real Men Multitask  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #software, #software design, #concentrate, #multitask, #distraction, #kill, #error

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: do you ever think about the fact that one small error in your software design could kill hundreds of people? all it would take is some kind of distraction while you are trying to concentrate. dilbert: are you done? boss: a real man could multitask in this situation.

Cushion In Schedule

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cushion In Schedule - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #weekend, #work, #deadline, #due date, #schedule, #input, #critical, #liar, #credibility, #exaggerate

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i worked all weekend to get this done for you by the deadline. boss: thanks, but i won't need it for another two weeks. dilbert: then...why did you tell me the deadline was today? boss: i built some cushion into the schedule. dilbert: you mean, you lied to me about the real deadline. in other words, you don't trust me, you are a liar, and i should never believe you again. boss: but you didn't miss the deadline! dilbert: okay, well, at least my input is critical to our success. boss: i might have exaggerated that.

Angry Tech Writers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Angry Tech Writers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #business, #exercise, #technology, #writing, #tech writer, #underpaid, #coffee, #hate

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: why is your writing so angry? tina: tech writers are underpaid, so all of our envy and contempt spill out on the page. dilbert: maybe you tech writers should drink less coffee and exercise more. tina: this is exactly why we hate everyone.

Climate Change And Wally

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Climate Change And Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #late, #attendance, #alarm, #power, #phone, #coal power plant, #climate change

View Transcript

Transcript

wally to boss and dilbert: sorry i'm late. my alarm didn't go off because my town lost power and my phone battery died. and we lost power because the state closed down the lost coal power plant to reduce co2 emissions. so really, the fault lies with climate change, not me. dilbert: (slow clap)

No Performance Reviews

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No Performance Reviews  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #technology, #Political, #social, #opinions, #ranking, #acceptable

View Transcript

Transcript

boss in staff meeting: the company will no longer do performance reviews. from now on, you will be ranked on the acceptability of your political and social opinions. dilbert: do you have a list of acceptable opinions? boss: there will be no hints.

Banana Is Not An Apple

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Banana Is Not An Apple - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #apple, #argue, #banana, #business, #doctored image, #google, #managers & supervisors, #search, #wrong

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert holding out banana: i'm not hungry today. do you want my banana? boss: that's an apple. dilbert: um..no this is a banana. boss: clearly it is not. dilbert: i can't believe you are making me do a google search to prove i know what a banana is. see? those are bananas. this looks just like the photos. this is a banana. those images are doctored. dilbert yelling: there are a million banana images! they are not all doctored! boss: you know how i know you are wrong? because you never admit you are wrong. gotcha! dilbert yelling: that is not a thing!!! boss: that's exactly what all the people who are wrong say.