Secret Goals Comic Strips

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181 Results for Secret Goals

View 1 - 10 results for secret goals comic strips. Discover the best "Secret Goals" comics from Dilbert.com.

More Communication

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More Communication - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #communication, #confused, #distraction, #irony, #managers & supervisors

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Boss: What we need in this office is more communication and fewer distractions. Dilbert: Your goals are mutually exclusive. If you communicate more, you'll be distracting us more. Boss: Now I've lost my train of thought. Dilbert: Did my communication distract you?

Boss Does Research On Internet

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Boss Does Research On Internet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 2019's comic on:


Tags #internet, #searching, #secret, #unbelievable, #nonsense, #afraid, #truth

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Boss: I was doing some research on the internet... Dilbert: Uh-oh. Boss: And I learned that there is a secret cia base inside the sun, but no one is talking about it. Dilbert: Maybe you shouldn't do research on the internet. Boss: Why are you afraid of the truth?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Wally, #goals, #employees, #accomplishing

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The Boss: Did you achieve your goals this quarter? Wally: I sure did! Best quarter ever! The Boss: Really? I wasn't expecting that. Wally: What kind of manager has no faith in his employees? You need to trust me to do what needs to be done. The Boss: Um, okay, so... Which goals did you accomplish? Wally: You also need to trust your employees when they say they accomplished their goals. The Boss: I think I see where this is going. Wally: I was hoping you wouldn't.

Arguing With Idiots

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Arguing With Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 2018's comic on:


Tags #happiness, #secret, #tip, #arguing, #psychology

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Asok: Wally, how do you stay happy while the rest of us are stressed out? Wally: It's easy. Instead of arguing with idiots, I pretend I agree with them so they'll leave me alone. Asok: That sounds risky. Wally: Yes, I agree.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #interview, #hiring, #honesty, #immoral, #ulterior motives

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Dilbert: What would you say are your biggest weaknesses? Man: I like to rifle through my coworkers' desks when they aren't looking. But I don't steal anything unless I know I can frame someone else for the crime. I leave for work an hour late every day and blame traffic. I avoid accomplishing goals so I won't feel like sellout. Sometimes I'll start a trash fire just to get out of a meeting. And I've gotten every one of my bosses fired for things they didn't say or do. Boss: Would he be a good fit? Dilbert: I like what he has to offer.

How To Use Personality Profiles

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How To Use Personality Profiles  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #personality test, #personaity, #privacy, #memory, #forgetfulness, #absent mindedness

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Dilbert: We all took the Dogbert Personality Test, bu tit's not clear how we're supposed to use the information. I mean, how does it help me to know you're a forgetful moron who can't keep a secret? Boss: Who showed you my private test results? Dilbert: You did.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 2017's comic on:


Tags #antisocial, #goals, #achievement, #aspirations, #frustration, #reality

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Tina: Wally, do you have goals? Wally: My goal is to be an Olympic pole vaulter. Tina: You don't look... Wally: Sporty? Tina: I was going to say healthy. Wally: That's why Olympic pole vaulting is my goal> I wouldn't need a goal to do something easy. Tina: Are you training for it? Wally: No. Tina: You're living in a fantasy world! You'll never get to the Olympics! I can't sit here and listen to this. Dilbert: Looks like you accomplished your goal. Wally: Thanks for noticing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #lying, #deception, #secret, #choosing, #choices

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Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?

Helping The Boss Be Successful

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Helping The Boss Be Successful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #helpfulness, #niceness, #kindness

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Asok: How can I help you achieve your goals and be more successful? Boss: You could stop talking all creepy and weird. Asok: I thought I was being helpful. Boss: Go hate your job like everyone else.

Estimate Of Timeline

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Estimate Of Timeline - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #deception, #deadline, #goals, #ultimatum

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Boss: How fast can you fix the bug? Dilbert: I won't know until I dig in. Boss: Give me a random guess and I promise I won't hold you to it. Dilbert: Okay, three days. Boss: Now write that into your goals and get it done in three days or else. Dilbert: Why do I keep falling for that?!!!