Speed Evolution Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

50 Results for Speed Evolution

View 1 - 10 results for speed evolution comic strips. Discover the best "Speed Evolution" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2019's comic on:


Tags #computer software, #computers, #intelligence, #technology, #trick, #humans

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I created a simulated world made entirely of software. I programmed all of the people in the simulation to think they are real people with free will. Dogbert: Are they sentient beings? Dilbert: They think they are. Dogbert: What if they discover their true nature? Dilbert: I programmed limits into their physics so they can never observe the walls of their reality. For example, they can't get to the edge of their universe because they can't exceed the speed of light. And they can't find out what they are made of because, to them, it looks like probability at the quantum level. Dogbert: Wouldn't those limits tip of the smart ones? Dilbert: I coded them to not trust smart people.

Dilbert Enters The Jargon Matrix

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Enters The Jargon Matrix - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #jargon, #language, #matrix, #communication

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Asok entered the jargon matrix. I'm going in to save him. Asok: User experience... Dilbert: Cloud... blockchain... speed of execution... responsive design... peel the onion... move the needle... Asok: Sustainability. Dilbert: I'm in. Asok: What the...? Where did you come from? Narrator: Continued...

Network Is Slow

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Network Is Slow - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 2016's comic on:


Tags #bandwidth, #network, #speed, #nsfw, #videos, #internet, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why is our network so slow today? Dilbert: I'll check. Okay, it seems that 75 percent of the staff is viewing inappropriate videos. Boss: That's all I wanted to do, too.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #management, #honesty, #competition, #criticism

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why are our competitors beating us on the benchmark speed tests? Do they have better engineers? Dilbert: No, they have better management. Their management probably got them the budget they needed to do the job right. I"m guessing they were helpful, instead of being useless, blamecasting time-wasters. I hear you can do a lot when you have good management. I'll probably try to get a job with a competitor. They sound great. It is also possible they lied about their benchmark results. Boss: You should have said that first!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2016's comic on:


Tags #quality, #work ethic, #deadlines, #expectations, #speed, #trade off

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: When will you have that done? Dilbert: Two weeks. Boss: Can you do it faster? Dilbert: Yes. All I need to do is lower the quality. Dilbert: Tell me what your minimum acceptable quality level is and I'll tell you when you can have it. Boss: I want it in one week. Dilbert: I can do that at 50 percent of planned quality. Boss: Why does it feel as if I'm not really managing anything here? Dilbert: Maybe you could go manage someone else now. Boss: I can't tell if I'm doing my job now. Dilbert: Is it your job to prevent me from working?

Humans Hold Domininion

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Humans Hold Domininion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2016's comic on:


Tags #temperature, #humans, #nature, #thermostat, #robots, #technology, #evolution, #fragility

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My brain won't work when the office is warmer than 72. Carol: It has to be at least 74 or I'll freeze. Robot: What's it like to hold dominion over the Earth within a narrow band of temperatures that can't coexist? Dilbert: Was that a joke? Carol: I'm too cold to think?

Why People Have Consciousness

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Why People Have Consciousness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #robot, #technology, #evolution, #consciousness, #bodies, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: Robots have no need for consciousness. We believe humans evolved to have consciousness to remind them how dumb they are. Boss: I still prefer having consciousness. Robot: Listen to your body.

Sounded Interesting From Across The Room

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Sounded Interesting From Across The Room - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 2014's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #smartphone technology, #speed evolve, #meta organism, #sum of parts, #looked interetsing, #employees, #coffee break, #cups, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: What are you talking about? It sounds interesting. Dilbert: We were saying that our smartphone technology has caused us to speed-evolve into a meta-organism that is the sum of our connected parts. Tina: In my defense, from across the room it looked interesting.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 2014's comic on:


Tags #friendship, #internet & world wide web, #facebook freinds, #speed bumps, #engineers, #pictures of food, #eat food, #google, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Can I be your friend on Facebook? Dilbert: Friends are like speed bumps for engineers. Tina: How will you see pictures of my food? Dilbert: Do you eat food that Google doesn't know about?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 2014's comic on:


Tags #relations between the sexes, #Women, #boss, #injected, #job performance drugs, #jerk, #kryptonite, #evolution, #physical attributes

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: our boss injected me with job performance enhancing drugs. Alice: Gaaa!!! Evolution has made me attracted to your physical attributes! Dilbert: I'm sort of a jerk now. Alice: Noooo! That's my kryptonite!