Squirrel Heads Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

84 Results for Squirrel Heads

View 1 - 10 results for squirrel heads comic strips. Discover the best "Squirrel Heads" comics from Dilbert.com.

Parody Or Real

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Parody Or Real - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #joke, #sarcasm, #technology, #boss, #business, #department, #proposal, #reality, #parody, #inversion

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: ever since the parody inversion, no one can tell the difference between jokes and reality boss: i need you to get buy-in on this proposal from all thirteen department heads by tomorrow wally: was that real or parody? dilbert: i think they're the same now

View more books now

Try Hiding

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Try Hiding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #boss, #compliment, #criticism, #ego, #employees, #managers & supervisors

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: If you compliment your employees, they will get big heads and think they are underpaid. But if you criticize them, they will be unhappy and quit. Boss: What should I do instead of those things? Dogbert: Have you tried hiding?

Consultant Gets No Help

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Consultant Gets No Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #lazy, #managers & supervisors, #selfish, #stupid

View Transcript

Transcript

the new consultant: none of your department heads are cooperating with me. several are selfish, lazy and stupid, while others are actively working against me. maybe you could talk to them. ceo: i hired you so i wouldn't need to talk to losers.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #cell phone, #managers & supervisors, #message, #office, #squirrels

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss to dilbert: ...and then i need you to... notification sound from dilbert's phone. the boss: don't do it. don't check that message. dilbert: but it might be important. the boss: it isn't more important than listening to your boss. dilbert: i have no way of knowing that. dilbert yelling: look! there's a squirrel on the printer! the boss turns around: i don't see a squirrel. the boss: did you check your phone? dilbert: was i suppose to just sit here and watch you looking for squirrels?

Mind Reader Coworker

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Mind Reader Coworker - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #paranoia, #body language, #assume, #assumption, #conclusions

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Why do you hate the plan so much? Dilbert: I don't hate the plan. I like the plan. Man: No, I can tell by the way you chose your words that you hate it. Now I can tell by your face that you hate me. Dilbert: You're like a blind squirrel who brings his own nuts to the park.

Bad Analogies

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bad Analogies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ideas, #criticism, #critique, #simile, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Your idea is awful. Dilbert: Can you explain your reasons without using an absurd analogy? Man: It's like a pregnant squirrel eating a sandwich. Dilbert: I'll take that as a no.

Monday

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Monday - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thought, #cognition, #technology, #invention, #computer, #intelligence

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I invented a neural interface for computers. Boss: Is that so users can control computers with their thoughts? Dilbert: No, the opposite. Your way would be like a squirrel trying to drive a car.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failure, #power, #interns, #roadblock

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You'll need to get buy-in from the other departments. Asok: You have given me an impossible task. I am only an intern. No one will agree to anything I ask because I have no power to hurt them. Most department heads won't even schedule a meeting with me. And if they do, they will end up canceling it at the last minute and rescheduling. There is literally no way for me to succeed at this task. Boss: I also need you to ask them to fund your project out of their budgets.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failure, #blame, #executives, #scapegoat

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our sales for the quarter were zero. CEO: Heads will roll! Whose fault is this. Dilbert: It's entirely your fault. You told a reporter that our next version will be amazing. So all of our customers are waiting for the new version. The only sensible solution here is for you to admit your mistake and resign in utter humiliation. CEO: Or... I could blame this guy, whatever his name is. Man: That isn't right. CEO: Looks like I'll be adding insubordination to the charges.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wages, #salary, #secret, #anger, #compensation, #money, #unfair

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: You left a speadsheet with everyone salary in the copier. Boss: Oops. Catbert: By now, every employee has seen it. Boss: Should I be worried that it will lower morale? Catbert: No, I wouldn't worry about that. I would worry about heads exploding when they find out Wally has the highest pay in the department. Noise: Pow!!! Catbert: It's going to be a long week. Boss: Would you mind kicking that angry eyeball into the trash?