Status Reprrts Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

86 Results for Status Reprrts

View 1 - 10 results for status reprrts comic strips. Discover the best "Status Reprrts" comics from Dilbert.com.

Tracking Dilbert

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tracking Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #body cam, #freedom, #keystrokes, #location, #managers & supervisors, #phone, #report, #status, #technology, #track, #video conference, #work at home, #working

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: maybe i could permanently work at home. boss: on video conference: no problem. i just need a few things from you to make sure you are working. dilbert: such as? boss: well. obviously, i need frequent status reports. dilbert: sounds reasonable. boss: and i'll need to track your keystrokes and your phone's location. dilbert: wow. well, okay. i guess i can get used to that in return for my freedom to work at home. boss: now that I've loosened you up. let's talk about fitting you for a body cam.

Emergency Project

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Emergency Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boring, #boss, #emergency, #excuses, #office workers, #technology, #work

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you have any emergencies for me to work on? Boss: I do. Dilbert: Perfect! I needed an excuse to avoid working on the boring parts of my job. Boss: I also need your status report by end of day. Dilbert: I would totally do that if not for this darned emergency.

Wally Monetizes His Pet Status

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Monetizes His Pet Status - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #criticism, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #money, #office workers, #bribe

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I hear you're our boss's new pet employee. Please don't tell him all of the bad things I have said about him behind his back. I'll give you a hundred dollars if you keep quiet. Wally: I knew I could monetize this.

Anyone Fired Lately

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Anyone Fired Lately - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #fired, #scapegoat, #laziness, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Before I give my project status report, has anyone quit or been fired recently? Boss: I fired Ted last week. Now tell me why your project is late. Wally: It was Ted's fault.

Meeting Rooms Are Booked

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Meeting Rooms Are Booked  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #managers, #scheduling, #conflict

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My project stalled because all of our meeting rooms have been reserved by managers just in case they need them. My current plan for success is to wait until one of you dies sow e can use your meeting room. Boss: Let's not do project status reports anymore.

Dashboard Never Changes

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dashboard Never Changes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #trick, #technology, #status, #ruse

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I noticed that the project dashboard you wrote for me never changes. Dilbert: That's because our projects are always doing great. Boss: It's a static image, isn't it? Dilbert: You're gonna wish you asked that three weeks ago.

Dashboard For The Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dashboard For The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #ruse, #trick, #deception.

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: It's called a dashboard. It shows the current status of all our projects. With a tool like this, you never need to ask us for status updates. Wally: How'd the fake dashboard gambit work out? Dilbert: Great! He hasn't talked to me in weeks.

Dilbert Working On Boss's Side Job

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Working On Boss's Side Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work, #labor, #free, #taking advantage, #side job, #boss, #conflict of interest

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you finish the website I asked you to make for my side business? Dilbert: No, because you keep me busy 100 percent of the time in my regular job. Boss: Hey, it isn't easy asking for twice as many status updates either.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #obliviousness, #core competencies, #automating things, #worshipping stars quo, #steve jobs, #reanimated body, #making lapses, #fiduciary responsibility, #hearing what we want

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I did a study of our core competencies. It seems we're very good at automating things that we shouldn't be doing in the first place. But that's not all we're good at. We're also good at worshipping the status quo as if it were Steve Jobs' reanimated body. And no one is as good at masking lapses in fiduciary responsibility. Lastly, we're good at hearing what we want to hear. Boss: So... we're good at automating things?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #death & dying, #inventions, #cryonics, #preserve brain, #transhumanism, #robot body, #staus update, #favors, #repaid

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Cryonics will allow me to preserve my brain until the age of transhumanism so I can live forever in a robot body. Boss: Dilbert, I need a status update on why your last status wasn't updated. Dilbert: Please kill me now. Wally: I don't do favors that can't be repaid.