Stories Of Woe Comic Strips

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41 Results for Stories Of Woe

View 1 - 10 results for stories of woe comic strips. Discover the best "Stories Of Woe" comics from Dilbert.com.

Long Rambling Stories

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Never Ask About The Sigh

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Never Ask About The Sigh - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, relationships, serial killer

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carol, asok and dilbert at a conference table. carol: sigh carol: sigh asok: what's wrong? dilbert distressed: gaaaa!!! never ask about the sigh! dilbert: it's a trap to make you listen to a distressing story full of woe. carol: my husband is a hunter and he wants me to learn how to skin and cook his kills. asok: that doesn't sound so bad. dilbert: wait for it. carol: he's a serial killer. dilbert: and there it is.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags argument, debates, frustration, office workers, evidence

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Man: ...And that's what I think about the issue. Dilbert: Here's a Youtube video proving that everything you believe is wrong. Notice this isn't just an opinion. It is a video of the entire event you just claimed did not happen. I'm sending you a link to ten media stories debunking your version of events. Having now proved how wrong you are. Would you like to retract everything you said about it? Man: Why can't you admit when you are wrong? Dilbert: Because I'm not wrong!!!

Story Telling Mothman

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Story Telling Mothman - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mothman, workload, responsibility, stress, story, talking

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Boss: I hired a storytelling mothman. He identifies with employees with the greatest workloads and wastes their time telling long stories. Dilbert: We don't need a storytelling mothman. Boss: Then why does every company have one?

Elbonians Jumping Off Roof

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Elbonians Jumping Off Roof - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags jump, height, suicide, struggle, failure

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Dilbert: We have a problem at our Elbonian manufacturing plant. Employees are leaping from the roof to end their lives. Boss: It's only two stories high. Dilbert: That's the problem. It takes three jumps to do it right.

Too Much Exposition

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Too Much Exposition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dolphin, exposition, hit man, murder for hire, stories, storytelling, ceo, russian dolphin, militray, smartphone, stolen, mansion

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Dilbert: Our CEO Bought a Russian military dolphin for his daughter's pool party and it killed a party clown. Then it stole a smartphone and hired Dogbert to put a hit on the CEO so the dolphin... Garbage Man: That's way too much exposition. Dilbert: ...fill the CEO's mansion with water and live in it forever.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boredom, conversation, plantkiller, data, kill plants, office plants

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Alice: Hey, plantkiller, do you have the ata I asked for? Coworker: Plantkiller? Who calls me that? Alice: Everyone does. Your stories are so boring that you kill all office plants within earshot. Give me a hand signal when you're done. Coworker: This reminds me of the time I took the stairs.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, exit strategy, serial talker, infinite unrelated, engineers

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Boss: Talk to Allen about this. Dilbert: I'll need an exit strategy. He's a serial talker. I'll be trapped for hours while he strings together infinite, unrelated stories. Boss: Engineers have weird problems. Dilbert: What could I eat that would make me puke in ten minutes?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, public realtions firm, persuade media, negative stores, competitor, ethical, public relations form, defaming company, defame

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Boss: I hired the Dogbert public relations firm. His job is to persuade the media to write negative stories about our competitor. Dilbert: Is that ethical? Dogbert: I assure you that your competitor is doing the same thing to you. They're paying a public relations firm a fortune to steer the media toward defaming your company. Dilbert: Who did they hire to defame us. Dogbert: Probably someone awesome.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags proofread, technical document, acronyms, change, misread, bullet points, idiots, story, pet, wag tail, dog, stories, sit on rock, outside, jacket, animals

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Dilbert says, "A technical writer misinterpreted the acronyms in my draft technical paper." Dilbert says, "But that's okay because my pointy-haired boss will turn it into content-free bullet points and show it to idiots." Dogbert says, "I like stories with lots of idiots in them." Dilbert says, "Glad to help."