Teach Comic Strips

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92 Results for Teach

View 1 - 10 results for teach comic strips. Discover the best "Teach" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People

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Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #computers, #insults, #marketing, #office workers, #sales, #teaching, #smart

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Dilbert: My boss asked me to teach a class on coding because it is hard to find programmers in this job market. Are there any smart people in the class or do you all work in marketing and sales? Voice: What's that supposed to mean? Dilbert: Thank you. Is anyone else in sales?

Teach Employees To Code

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Teach Employees To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #computers, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #teaching, #smart

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Boss: The job market is so tight we can't find any programmers. So I want you to teach some of our employees how to code. Dilbert: You mean the smart ones, I hope. Boss: No, we need the smart ones in their current jobs.

Negotiating Expert

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Negotiating Expert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2018's comic on:


Tags #consultant, #negotiation, #training, #irony, #obliviousness, #business

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Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to negotiate. Normally, he charges triple the market rate, but I talked him down to double. Wally: Where is he? Boss: He said he's teaching us what happens when there's no performance clause in a contract.

Insulting Within Company Guidelines

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 Insulting Within Company Guidelines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2018's comic on:


Tags #teach, #insult, #compliment, #function, #guidelines, #co workers, #insult co workers

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DOgbert: I will teach you how to insult your co - workers while staying within company guidelines. The trick is to disguise your insults as compliments. Alice, I admire the way you dress for function over appearance. Alice: Thanks. wait...

Dogbert's Insult Consulting

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Dogbert's Insult Consulting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2018's comic on:


Tags #company rules, #insulting, #co workers, #teach how, #insult, #within guidelines, #standing desk, #meeting, #employer, #business

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Dogbert consults DOgbert: Company rules forbid you from insulting your co-workers. I'll teach you how to insult each other while staying within company guidelines. The boss: That doesn't seem possible. Dogbert: you should look into getting a standing desk.

Wally Works On Stealth Clothing

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Wally Works On Stealth Clothing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 2017's comic on:


Tags #invisibility, #attendance, #deception, #laziness

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Boss: We won a bid to design stealth clothing for the military. Wally: Ooh! Ooh! I volunteer to work on that project. Boss: Um... okay. Narrator: One month later. Boss: Your attendance has been poor lately. Wally: Here's where I teach you about "reasonable doubt."

Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert

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Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #negotiating, #persuasion, #help, #altruism, #selfishness

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Dilbert: Can you teach me to be more persuasive? Dogbert: What's in it for me? Dilbert: It will make you feel good to help a friend. Dogbert: Does it feel as good as denying you? Dilbert: I have no way to know. Dogbert: Bah!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #communication, #mumbling, #speech, #understanding

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Dilbert: What's the URL for the test site? Boss: Ask Amy. Dilbert; Amy is a mumbler. I can't understand a word she says. Boss; Just ask her to speak up. Dilbert: I've tried that. All she does is mumble louder. And whenever I ask her a question by email, she answers the wrong question. If the only person who knows the URL for the test site is Amy, we probably need to build a new site and tell someone else the URL. Amy might be the most useless employee in the entire company. Wally: Can you teach me to mumble? Amy: Mumble, mumble, mumble. Narrator: Get your own system.

Coaching Alice

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Coaching Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #coaching, #mentor, #boss, #manager, #Advice

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Boss: Do you want some coaching? Alice: Heck yes. If you find someone who knows my job better than I do, send them my way. Boss: Maybe I could share my wisdom with you. Alice: Can you teach me how to stay calm when some idiot interrupts me?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #scam, #language, #accent, #communication

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Dogbert: I'm starting a foreign accent schools for the lazy. People assume you're smarter when you know more than one language. But learning a new language takes too much work. So I'll teach you how to speak your own language with a foreign accent. People will assume you are bilingual at the very least. And when you use bad grammar with a foreign accent it makes you look adorable. You'll never need to do another courtesy laugh, either. People will just assume you didn't get the joke. Dilbert: This is one of your better ideas. Dogbert: You should hear it with an accent!