Total Quality Method Comic Strips

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216 Results for Total Quality Method

View 1 - 10 results for total quality method comic strips. Discover the best "Total Quality Method" comics from Dilbert.com.

Better Fast Than Good

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Better Fast Than Good - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 2020's comic on:


Tags #boss, #email, #office workers, #sadness, #sarcasm, #time, #truth

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Dilbert: I got your email, but I didn't have time to include your upgrades on my analysis. It's better to be timely than right because our boss can't judge the quality of our work, but he knows when it's late. Alice: Why is it that everything true is also sad? Dilbert: That's how the truth works.

Dilbert Hates Safety

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Dilbert Hates Safety - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #safety, #anger, #yelling, #statistics, #flaw, #authority, #health

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dilbert: your method of calculating the safety statistics is flawed. monkey man: wow. wait until i tell everyone you don't think safety matters. dilbert: i...didn't say that. i'm talking about the way you measured it. monkey man yelling: it's too late to walk it back now! dilbert: i'm not "walking it back." i'm clarifying. monkey man: there's nothing to clarify, you hate safety. dilbert yelling and waving arms: stop putting words in my mouth!! i'm a better authority on what i think than you are!!! boss in hallway: what was all that yelling about? monkey man: dilbert thinks safety doesn't matter.

Master Engineer

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Master Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2020's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #Promotion, #master, #senior, #engineer, #more, #pay, #platinum, #optimism

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boss: i'm promoting you to the position of "master engineer." dilbert: i'm already senior engineer. boss: now you're a master engineer. with all the rights and responsibilities that come with it. dilbert: such as...? boss: well, for example, you can do more kinds of work. dilbert: for more pay? boss: no. no. no! you're thinking of "platinum level" engineers. you're not on of those. dilbert: that comes next?! boss: optimism is not an attractive quality.

Your Real Scheme

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Your Real Scheme - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2019's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #office, #business, #scheme, #power, #costs, #mind, #reader, #psychology

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dilbert: and this method will reduce costs by thirty percent. ted: nice try, but i know your real scheme is to grab power. dilbert: you're not a good mind reader ted: and yet i knew you would say i can't read minds, explain that

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2019's comic on:


Tags #budget, #business, #office, #raise, #project

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the boss: i can't give you a raise because you did not complete your project. dilbert: that's because you canceled my project for budget reasons and assigned me to work on another project. the boss: did you finish your new project? dilbert: you only recently assigned it to me. the boss: apparently, i keep giving you work, but you never complete any of it. dilbert visually distressed: that is a total distortion of what happened! dilbert: i can't reward you for having good intentions and finishing nothing! dilbert: why not wait and see now i do on my current project? the boss: we don't need that anymore.

Leadership And Guessing

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Leadership And Guessing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #coffee, #managers & supervisors, #office

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alice to the boss: one option is to use the old method that has never once worked, but we think we know how to make it work next time. alice: the other option is to try something new that we can't be sure will work. alice: it's almost as if leadership is nothing but guessing. the boss drinking coffee: let's change the subject.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #man, #criticizing, #face, #head, #arrogance, #toxic, #personality, #garbage, #plague, #legs, #truth, #power, #behind, #back

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Man: I heard you were criticizing me behind my back. Try saying those things to my face! Dilbert: Okay. You're a hot-headed know-nothing who uses his arrogance to mask his total lack of talent. You ruin every meeting with your toxic personality. Every project you touch turns to garbage you're like a plague with legs. Man: Okay... That was harsh, but I respect you for speaking truth to power. Dilbert: You don't have any power. Man: Maybe it's better if you talk behind my back.

Bias For Action

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Bias For Action - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #waste, #time, #thought, #chairs, #meeting

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The Boss: We need to have a bias for action! Alice: Good idea. This meeting is a total waste of time. The Boss: I probably should have thought that through.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #employee, #calendar, #week, #awkward, #problem, #schedule, #relative, #lunch, #sandwich

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Male Employee: Do you have an hour to meet next week? Dilbert: Let me check my calendar. Next week is not good. Male Employee: You don't have one hour of free time all week? Dilbert: Well, this is awkward. The problem isn't my schedule so much as your total lack of value relative to my alternatives. Male Employee: Maybe we could meet over lunch? Dilbert: I like to focus on my sandwich.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #argument, #arguing, #accusation, #social media, #technology

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Man: Why did you say we don't have a budget for our project? Dilbert: I never said that. Man: Then why did you say the project isn't feasible? Dilbert: I never said anything like that. Man: But you did say you thought it would take ten years to finish? Dilbert: I've never said anything like that. Man: Hahaha! You're in total meltdown mode now. Dilbert: I already forgot what we were talking about. Boss: How was your talk with Dilbert? Man: He's backpedaling after I totally owned him.