Train Customers Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

212 Results for Train Customers

View 1 - 10 results for train customers comic strips. Discover the best "Train Customers" comics from Dilbert.com.

New Loyal Customers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
New Loyal Customers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #meeting, #ceo, #woke, #advertising, #dollars, #loss, #quarter, #offend, #straight face, #botox, #annoying

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: our strategy of being annoyingly woke in our ads caused us to have an eight billion dollar loss this quarter. but it was worth it because sometimes you have to offend some of your customers to make the others loyal. dilbert: how did you say that with a straight face? ceo: no one told you about botox?

Too Busy To Train

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Too Busy To Train - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #jobs, #managers & supervisors, #two, #replacement, #quit, #death, #stare, #new, #person, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i'm working two jobs since ted quit. maybe you could fire a replacement for ted. boss: that won't work because you're too busy to train a new person. panel changes building. voice from building: stop making that death stare and get back to your two jobs.

Ted Will Train You

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Will Train You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #training, #absence, #coffee, #helpful, #problem, #successful, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: ask ted to show you how to do his job functions before he leaves for his new job. panel changes to office building. dilbert: what if he isn't helpful? boss: then i'll fire you for failing. panel changes back in office: dilbert: do you see any problem with the approach? boss: no. it's worked for years.

Customers Are Dead People

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Customers Are Dead People  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #customer, #lists, #dead, #alive, #lie, #activist, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: activists are accusing us of padding our customer list with the names of dead people. boss: that's a lie. those customers were alive when they bought our products. dilbert: did they die while using them? boss: let's hope the activists don't ask that question.

High Morale

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
High Morale - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #happy, #embezzling, #morale, #employee engagement, #train, #mock, #maockery

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert singing and dancing. boss: you seem way too happy about your job. are you embezzling? dilbert: no, i'm experiencing great morale and high employee engagement, just the way you trained me. boss: that actually works? dilbert: it did until you made a mockery of it just now.

Refusing Customer Demands

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Refusing Customer Demands - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #customer, #demands, #face mask, #fault, #Lose, #managers & supervisors, #refuse, #sarcasm, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: as you instructed, i refused to give in to our biggest customer's demands and they canceled all of their orders. boss: i didn't tell you to do that, you fool! dilbert: you told me to do exactly that. boss: i never told you to lose our biggest customer! dilbert: you told me to refuse their demands. boss: but i didn't tell you to lose the customer! dilbert yelling: it's the same thing!!! boss: the important thing here is that it's your fault. Dilbert yelling: i get it!!!

Robots Will Sneak Up On Us

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robots Will Sneak Up On Us - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argue, #business, #employees, #enginners, #managers & supervisors, #replace, #robots, #technology, #train

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we aren't yet ready to replace engineers with robots, but that day will sneak up on us. so i'd like all of you to train a robot to do your jobs, just so we are ready. dilbert: you want us to train our own replacements? boss thinking: this is another thing a robot would not argue about.

Factories No Buyers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Factories No Buyers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #money, #sarcasm, #customers, #poison

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our factories are back online, but we have no buyers. It turns out that our customer base overlaps with the people who recently poisoned themselves with household disinfectants. Boss: Who could have seen that coming? Dilbert: I won a bet on it.

Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #train, #tech support, #problem, #reboot, #computer, #problem solving, #genius

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: dogbert, i need you to train asok to fill in for you on tech support. dogbert to asok: the goal of tech support is to convince the caller the problem is on their end. i do this by recommending increasingly difficult things for them to try. eventually they give up, watch and learn. dogbert on call: uh-huh... uh-huh... try rebooting your computer. now try it again while holding control -escape-space bar- delete for exactly 27.3 seconds. no luck? try looking at your computer's binary code to find any zeros and ones that are out of order. click dogbert: and he's gone. asok: genius!

Dogbert Designs Headphones

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Designs Headphones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #design, #business, #headphones, #maximum, #customer, #annoyance, #charging, #port, #guess, #incorrect, #frustration, #fit, #customers, #ship, #user

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: i've designed these over-ear headphones for maximum customer annoyance. the charging port is only on one side, so the user has a fifty percent chance of guessing wrong. and the charger only fits if you put it right-side up. to increase the frustration, i made the plug look the same on both sides. best of all, the plug is so poorly designed that half the time it doesn't seem to fit, even when you put it in correctly. i made the headphones black, so you can't easily find the charger hole in low light. ninety percent of users will be cursing us every time they try to recharge. customers won't know any of this until after they purchase. boss: ship it.