Trying To Accomplish Comic Strips
273 Results for Trying To Accomplish
View 1 - 10 results for trying to accomplish comic strips. Discover the best "Trying To Accomplish" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share March 07, 2020's comic on:
wally: you think i didn't do anything useful this year. so i made a compilation video of my co-workers being incompetent in meetings for comparison. boss: at least they are trying. wally: as you can see, maybe they shouldn't.
Share January 27, 2020's comic on:
dilbert: i don't think your plan will work. employee: pffft. of course you don't. you are trying to sabotage me because you are jealous of my success. dilbert: you read minds as well as you make plans. employee: apology accepted.
Share January 04, 2020's comic on:
wally: this week i didn't do any work because there is no point in trying. in the unlikely event i did something useful, it would be ruined by the massive incompetence of my co-workers. boss: i pay you to act as if you are trying. wally: oh, in that case, i worked hard this week.
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Share November 13, 2019's comic on:
boss: i can't approve your budget because you didn't follow the seventeen-step workflow procedure. dilbert: it is not humanly possible to follow the company workflow procedure and also accomplish anything useful. boss: would it help if i add a few steps? dilbert: yes, if you have to go back to your office to do it.
Share August 27, 2019's comic on:
Alice: Can I skip the team-building celebration to get some work done? Boss: No, because I'm trying to change the culture. Alice: To what? Angry and unproductive? Boss: Trust the cake.
Share June 18, 2019's comic on:
the boss: i've stopped trying to understand what you do all day long. the boss: now i use an app that reminds me at random times to praise you or to criticize you. alice: that is the dumbest thing you have ever done. the bosses cell phone: ping! the boss: keep up the good work!
Share June 02, 2019's comic on:
dilbert: my profit forecast isn't aligning with our strategy the boss: try adding some variables. dilbert: what kind of variables? the boss: the kind that make our strategy line up with our profit forecasts. dilbert: but...then my forecast would not be accurate. the boss: it's already inaccurate because no one can forecast complicated things five years ahead. the boss: if we can't be accurate, we might as well be wrong in a way that is good for us in the near term. dilbert: you make a surprisingly robust argument for evil. the boss: and i was barely trying!
Share May 10, 2019's comic on:
ted: i need your help on my project today, or i'll miss my deadline. dilbert: are you trying to turn your lack of planning into my problem? ted: i was hoping you would be a team player. dilbert: i'm holding out for an offer from a better team.