Useful Member Of Society Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

154 Results for Useful Member Of Society

View 1 - 10 results for useful member of society comic strips. Discover the best "Useful Member Of Society" comics from Dilbert.com.

Karma Is Real

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Karma Is Real - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employment, #managers & supervisors, #business, #team, #karma, #name, #new, #team member, #hide, #face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: do you think karma is real? wally: nah. boss: i'd like you to meet the newest member of our team. his name is karma. dilbert: if you need me, i'll be hiding. karma: i hear one of you has been bad.

No Raise In Years

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No Raise In Years   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #job, #raise, #nine, #years, #face mask, #employment

View Transcript

Transcript

office worker: i've been working here for nine years, and you haven't given me a single raise! boss: i didn't even know you worked for me. obviously, you didn't do anything useful, or i would have noticed. office worker: well, in that case, i'm glad i didn't give my name.

Manage With Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Manage With Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #analysis, #business, #data, #face maks, #leadership, #manage, #managers & supervisors, #paralysis, #technology, #useable

View Transcript

Transcript

boss wearing face mask: we need to manage with data! dilbert wearing face mask: do we have any useful data? boss: not really. dilbert: so...actually we need to get data before we can use data. boss: we don't have time for your analysis paralysis! dilbert: i think you're taking both sides of the same argument. you insist on using data, but you don't want to wait for data. boss: it's called leadership. you wouldn't understand. dilbert: oh, i think i do. boss: stop being such a mask hole.

Compilation Video

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Compilation Video  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #useful, #video, #co-workers, #incompetent, #comparision, #meeting, #compile

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: you think i didn't do anything useful this year. so i made a compilation video of my co-workers being incompetent in meetings for comparison. boss: at least they are trying. wally: as you can see, maybe they shouldn't.

Wally Stopped Trying

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Stopped Trying - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #useless, #trying, #incompetence, #co-workers, #pay, #work

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: this week i didn't do any work because there is no point in trying. in the unlikely event i did something useful, it would be ruined by the massive incompetence of my co-workers. boss: i pay you to act as if you are trying. wally: oh, in that case, i worked hard this week.

Conference Call

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Conference Call - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #business, #conference call, #meeting, #useful, #don't care

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: how did your conference call go? dilbert: normal. it took us twenty minutes to get everyone connected, followed by forty minutes of garbled speech that no one understood. the meeting ended when everyone got tired of pretending something useful was happening. wally: i didn't really care.

Dilbert Gets A Mentor

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Gets A Mentor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #Advice, #mentor, #productivity, #operations, #vice president, #pressure, #trick

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i heard you asked our v.p. of operations to be your mentor. why didn't you tell me you needed some mentoring? i'm full of useful advice. dilbert: such as? boss: well... not you're putting me on the spot. it's hard to think of advice while you're pressuring me. maybe you could give me a scenario, and then i'll tell you what to do. dilbert: okay, suppose my boss is ruining my productivity by yammering about his great advice. what can i do? boss: that feels like a trick question. dilbert: our v.p. of operations could answer it.

Not Humanly Possible

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Not Humanly Possible - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #budget, #workflow, #procedure, #impossible, #useful

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i can't approve your budget because you didn't follow the seventeen-step workflow procedure. dilbert: it is not humanly possible to follow the company workflow procedure and also accomplish anything useful. boss: would it help if i add a few steps? dilbert: yes, if you have to go back to your office to do it.

Hiring A Bad Analogy Guy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring A Bad Analogy Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office, #office workers, #questions, #sarcasm, #arrogance

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired a bad analogy guy. Instead of giving reasons for his opinions, he asks ridiculous questions while acting arrogant. Dilbert: That doesn't seem useful. Man: Would you say that about oxygen?

Thanking Everyone By Name

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Thanking Everyone By Name - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #name

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i'd like to thank each member of the team by name...i'll start with what's-his-face here. voice from crowd: it's dilbert. boss: no, that's not it. you look like steve.