Useless Blob Comic Strips
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126 Results for Useless Blob
View 1 - 10 results for useless blob comic strips. Discover the best "Useless Blob" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday December 18,
2022
Useless Fat
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Sunday April 04,
2021
Taking Time Off
Tags business, technology, video call, vacation, paid time off, critical, essential, system, migration, kidding, success, zoom, call, valuable, asset, engagement
Transcript
boss and dilbert on video call. dilbert: is it okay if i take next week off? boss: are you kidding? we're in the most critical month of the system migration. you're essential to our succcess. all hands must be on deck. dilbert: really? it seems as if all i do is listen to other people say useless stuff on zoom calls. boss: my goodness, no! employees are our most valuable asset! we can't succeed unless we have 100% employee engagement. dilbert: i took all of last week off for vacation, and no one noticed. boss: next time, start with that.
Sunday January 31,
2021
Lazy People Are Efficient
Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, efficient, projects, lazy, assignments, useful
Transcript
wally: they say the laziest employees are the best because they know how to be efficient. i don't think i get enough credit for all of my efficiency. boss: efficiency only matters if you are doing something useful. wally: you're the one who gives me my assignments. boss: i don't ask you to do anything useful because you are too lazy. wally: are the useful projects generally harder that the useless ones? boss: yes. wally: then i'd say the system is working.
Saturday January 04,
2020
Wally Stopped Trying
Tags managers & supervisors, useless, trying, incompetence, co-workers, pay, work
Transcript
wally: this week i didn't do any work because there is no point in trying. in the unlikely event i did something useful, it would be ruined by the massive incompetence of my co-workers. boss: i pay you to act as if you are trying. wally: oh, in that case, i worked hard this week.
Sunday December 29,
2019
Searching On A Phone
Tags office workers, communication, phone, protocol, task, rude, technology, insult, fake
Transcript
tina: i have something funny to show you. just give me a minute to find it on my phone. dilbert thinking: what's the protocol in this situation? should i just sit here and stare at her pawing at her phone? i can't talk because she's focused on her task. and it would be rude to walk away. would it be an insult to look at my own phone and mentally check out from this useless interaction? tina: ah! i found it! dilbert: okay, good. tina: wait, that's not the right one. dilbert: is this why people fake their own deaths?
Monday October 28,
2019
Business Agility Influencer
Tags office workers, business, agility, solution, meaningless, useless
Transcript
ted: hi, i'm a business agility influencer and solutionist wally: i don't think that means anything ted: why are you the first person to spot that? wally: because i'm useless too!
Tuesday September 17,
2019
Bad Attitude
Tags big business, complaining, employees, obliviousness, attitude
Transcript
Catbert: I need to talk to you about your bad attitude. Dilbert: I'm surrounded by useless idiots, and I work in a fabric-covered box. How can I have a good attitude? Catbert: Oh, good. I was hoping it would be something I couldn't fix.
Tuesday April 23,
2019
Wally And The Management Track
Tags business, managers & supervisors, office, office workers
Transcript
wally: how can i get on the management track? catbert: are you kidding me? catbert: you are the most useless employee i have ever seen. all you do is walk around and bother people who are trying to work. wally: are you saying i can't get on the management track? catbert: i'm saying you're already on it.
Tuesday October 16,
2018
Everyone Else Is Lazy And Useless
Monday October 15,
2018
Everyone Else Is Worthless
Tags Dilbert, fire, pawn, problems, project, the boss, useless, work
Transcript
The Boss: I'm adding you to the network upgrade project. Everyone else on the team is lazy and useless, so I need you to do all of their work. Dilbert: Maybe you should fire them. The Boss: Don't try to pawn off your problems on me.