Values Substance Comic Strips
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31 Results for Values Substance
View 1 - 10 results for values substance comic strips. Discover the best "Values Substance" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday April 15,
2020
Poster Of Our Values
Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #business, #poster, #values, #room, #forgot, #steal, #guess, #break room
Transcript
boss at conference room table: i hope you all saw the poster i put in the break room with our list of values. dilbert: i didn't see it. what are our values? boss: i don't remember. wally: are we allowed to steal? dilbert: i don't think so, but i'm guessing.
Saturday July 23,
2016
Asok Is An Introvert
Tags #introversion, #introvert, #loneliness, #social situation
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you have plans for the weekend? Asok: No, I"m an introvert. I'll probably experience despair and loneliness while being jealous of people who have substance abuse problems. Dilbert: Yeah, me too. Asok: This conversation is dragging on too long.
Saturday January 02,
2016
That's Motivation Not Stalking
Tags #compliment, #managers, #jargon, #sincerity, #insincere, #motivation, #motivate, #annoyance, #frustration
Transcript
Boss: Alice, you're doing a great job and the company values you. Alice: Your insincere management babble is making me uncomfortable. Boss: That's motivation you're feeling. Alice: I'm getting more of a stalker vibe.
Thursday January 01,
2015
Tube Clothing At The Bar
Tags #clothing, #dating, #jobs, #low standards, #tube clothes, #values substance, #employment, #relationships
Transcript
Dilbert: I noticed you eyeing my tube clothes. You're thinking I am a man who values substance over style and it turns you on. Woman: No, I'm thinking I'll date anything that has a job. Dilbert: I have one of those!
Sunday September 21,
2014
Tags #deception, #executives, #ignorance, #money, #powerpoint, #project unicron, #progress, #style, #substitute for subsatnce, #worker bee, #executives rspond, #clouds, #dollar signs, #slow clap
Transcript
Boss: Make a PowerPoint deck showing our progress on Project Unicorn. Dilbert: There hasn't been any progress. Boss: That's okay. Use a large font. Dilbert: Style is not a substitute for substance. Boss: You're thinking like a worker bee. There's no time for substance when you're at the top. Executives only respond to familiar colors and shapes. Clouds, dollar signs... that sort of thing. Dilbert: ...and in conclusion. Boss: Come on slow clap.
Sunday September 22,
2013
Tags #embarras myself, #emotional meltdown, #panicked, #public speaking, #substance abuse, #worry
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm panicked about my presentation tomorrow. Wally: Relax. What's the worst that could happen? Dilbert: Well, I could embarrass myself in a career-ending way. Wally: Oh. I didn't think about that one. It might be so bad that you can't even get a recommendation for a future job. Then you'd have an emotional meltdown followed by substance abuse, untreated health issues, and a lonely death. And it could all happen because of something as trivial as a typo on one of your slides. I guess I can add "comforting" to my list of things I'm no good at.
Monday April 01,
2013
Tags #honesty, #work ethic, #mission, #vision, #core values, #no clear direction, #inappropriate websites
Transcript
Wally: Our mission, vision, strategy, road map, and core values are not aligned. So instead of flailing around with no clear direction, I plan to spend my days looking at inappropriate websites. Yesterday, when you said, "Bring me solutions, not problems," I hope you meant it.
Saturday February 16,
2013
Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #values, #don't run with scissors, #ask for raises, #employee values, #business
Transcript
CEO: Experts say we need to empower employees with "values." So I guess we need some values, whatever the heck those are. Boss: I think it's like "Don't run with scissors." CEO: Let's start with that and see if they stop asking for raises.
Sunday September 30,
2012
Tags #complaining, #not helpful, #brush of unhelpfulness, #srigma, #issues, #monster
Transcript
Boss: Brian tells me you're not being helpful. Asok: Gaaa!!! You have been painted by the brush of unhelpfulness. There is no way to remove the stigma of this accusation. Wally: Watch and learn. Brian has... um... issues. Boss: Issues? What issues? Mental? Emotional? Substance abuse? Wally: I've said too much. It's not my place. Boss: He's a monster! Asok: You make it look easy!
Saturday June 23,
2012
Tags #fraudulent analysis, #total betrayal, #shareholders, #rational beghavior
Transcript
Dilbert: I finished the fraudulent analysis you requested to support the decision you already made. It's a total betrayal of shareholders and a slap in the face for anyone who values rational behavior. Boss: Thanks. That's exactly what I wanted. Dilbert: You're welcome.