Workers Not Listening Comic Strips

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655 Results for Workers Not Listening

View 1 - 10 results for workers not listening comic strips. Discover the best "Workers Not Listening" comics from Dilbert.com.

Men Are Stupid Pigs

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Men Are Stupid Pigs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #complaint, #office, #stupid, #pigs, #Men, #specific, #i.q., #visayan warty

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tina: i have a complaint about the men in the office. catbert: all of them? tina: yes, they're all stupid pigs. catbert: can you be more specific? tina: okay, they're basically visayan warty pigs in the i.q. range of 20 to 40.

Opposition Research

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Opposition Research - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #managers & supervisors, #accomplishments, #year, #opposition, #research, #co-workers, #ranking, #employees, #idea

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wally: it might seem as though i accomplished very little this year. and that's true. but i also have a trove of opposition research on my co-workers. boss: what? wally: ranking employees against one another was your best idea ever.

Nominate A Coworker

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Nominate A Coworker - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #months, #recommendations, #co-workers, #office workers, #recognize, #superior, #work, #nominated, #honest, #idea, #coffee

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boss: two months ago, i asked you all for recommendations on co-workers who should be recognized for superior work. on day one, you all nominated yourselves. since then it has been quiet. dilbert: if i'm being honest, it wasn't one of your brightest ideas.

Bigoted Against Elbonian Men

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Bigoted Against Elbonian Men - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #marriage, #office workers, #elbonia, #report, #bigot, #irrelevant, #innocence, #prove, #sale, #flower

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catbert: i'm getting reports that you are bigoted against elbonian men. dilbert: i'm not. catbert: that is irrelevant. there is only one way to prove your innocence. elbonian man: yes, i'll marry you. dilbert holding out flower: i thought it would be a tougher sale.

Dick Tells A Rumor

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Dick Tells A Rumor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #workplace, #coworkers, #people, #gossip, #malice, #slander, #pointless, #pain, #nemesis, #office workers

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dick: hi, i'm dick, your workplace nemesis. dilbert: i know who you are. dick: people are saying terrible things about you behind your back, but i can't tell you who they are or what they are saying. dilbert: what is the point of telling me that? dick: have i mentioned i feed on your pain.

Remote Workers Do Not Mate

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Remote Workers Do Not Mate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appearance, #dating, #love & dating, #walking, #outdoors, #dating app, #woman, #app, #reproduction, #inner qualities, #goodbye, #genes

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dilbert and dogbert walking outside. dogbert: they say most people meet their future mates at work. now that you are working from home, your odds of mating just turned negative. you could try using a dating app to find a woman, but then you'd need to rely on your looks. obviously, that's a dead end. your best chance of reproduction has always been to wear down a co-worker over several years. women need time to get over your appearance, and to appreciate your inner qualities. we should have a goodbye party for your genes. dilbert: maybe next time we could walk and not talk. dogbert: maybe.

Dilbert Interrupts Women

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Dilbert Interrupts Women - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #discrimination, #office workers, #interrupt, #woman, #sense, #nincompoop, #babble, #pattern

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tina: dilbert is always interrupting me because i'm a woman. how do you deal with it when he interrupts you? alice: he doesn't interrupt me. tina: that makes no sense. he interrupts me because i'm a woman, and you're a woman...so... alice: maybe he doesn't interrupt me because i make sense when i talk. whereas you're more of a babbling nincompoop and a notorious ruiner of meetings. tina: well, i certainly don't know where you... alice: let's head back now. tina: you interrupted me! alice: try to spot the pattern.

Pretending To Listen

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Pretending To Listen - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #laptop, #pretending, #listening, #camera, #look, #zoom, #anger, #video call, #boss, #easy, #golden age

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boss on video call. boss: some of you are only pretending to be paying attention to this zoom call. boss yelling: you're still doing it! stop it! look into the camera!!! dilbert at home. dilbert: pretending to listen to your boss has never been easier. dogbert: golden age!

Ruined The Stock Price

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Ruined The Stock Price  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #stock, #subordinate, #inappropriate, #behavior, #bonus, #money, #paper towel, #ceo, #work

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boss: our stock is down because seventy-three subordinates accused our ceo of inappropriate behavior at work. so i can't give you a bonus even though your work was excellent. co-worker's head explodes: Boom!!! Carol: how'd he take it? Boss: grab some paper towels.

Tina Asks For Help

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Tina Asks For Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #co-workers, #colleague, #draft, #review, #busy, #yes, #time, #sarcastic, #sarcasm, #suspicious, #answer, #innocent

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tina: do you have a few minutes to review my first draft? dilbert: yes. tina: i ask because usually you say you're to busy to help. dilbert: well, i said yes this time. tina: that's funny, because usually you're all, "i'm so busy." but today you have all the time in the world. dilbert: today i'm not busy. tina: i find that suspicious. dilbert yelling: take yes for an answer!!! tina: that's not how innocent people talk.