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Share August 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #fraternization, #creepy new vendor, #did laundry, #creepy, #made sandwhiches

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Dilbert: Our new vendor is creepy. He's trying to form a relationship with me. Man: I went to your house and did your laundry. You're welcome. Wally: How creepy could it be? Man: I made us sandwiches. You're out of mayo.

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Share November 29, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #death & dying, #could go wrong, #did go worng, #closer to death, #creepy

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Russell: This past week, everything that could go wrong did go wrong. Dilbert: Look on the bright side: you're seven days closer to death. Man: Hey! That's true! Dilbert: It's creepy when that works.

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Share March 31, 1997's comic on:


Tags #project reuirements, #was for nothing, #believes you did work, #homemade cookies

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Wally and a man sit at a conference table. The man says, "Wally, I forgot to tell you that all of the project requirements changed." Wally shouts, "What?!! All my work was for nothing?!!" The man looks shocked. Dilbert asks, "He actually believes you did work?" Wally replies, "I think I'll get some homemade cookies out of this!"

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Share July 27, 2001's comic on:


Tags #bonus, #did well, #hiring freeze, #shrink empire, #hand shaking situation, #hand, #questioning clean

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Wally is sitting at his desk. The Boss approaches from behind with a check in hand. He says, "The company did well so you get a bonus despite the fact you did no work all year." After handing Wally the check, The Boss continues, "I'd fire you but I can't replace you because there's a hiring freeze and I don't want to shrink my empire." The Boss fidgets nervously and says, "This might be a hand-shaking situation but I don't know where your hand has been." Wally continues to stare at his check and brushes The Boss with, "Off you go."

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Share January 25, 2002's comic on:


Tags #michael t. suit, #core competencies, #platforms, #did we shake?

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A headless, handless man says to Dilbert, "Hi. My name is Michael T. Suit. All my friends call me M.T." M.T. continues, "I enhance core competencies by leveraging platforms." Dilbert is gone. M.T. continues, "Did we shake yet? Sometimes I can't tell."

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Share July 11, 2002's comic on:


Tags #sitting in, #boss, #walk around, #avoid decisons, #grossly underpaid, #did before, #more money

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Wally approaches. Dilbert asks, "How do you like sitting in for The Boss?" Wally responds, "It's easy." Wally continues, "All I do is walk around and make people loathe me while I avoid making decisions." Dilbert says, "That's all you ever did before." Wally replies, "Apparently, I was grossly underpaid."

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Share January 30, 2004's comic on:


Tags #deadly product, #sued, #did nothing, #public realtions, #goal, #jury pool, #victims deserved it, #moral implications, #strategy

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"Dogbert does PR." "You knew your product was deadly but you did nothing until you were sued." "The goal of public relations is to taint the jury pool, we'll show that the victims had it coming." "Maybe we should discuss the moral implications of that strategy." "Bah!"

Why Did The Algorithm Bump Dilbert

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Why Did The Algorithm Bump Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #airlines, #air travel, #flight, #overbooking, #customer service

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Dilbert: Why did your algorithm pick me to be bumped from the full flight? Is it because I had the lowest-cost ticket? Agent: It was that plus your lack of upper body strength.

Dilbert Did Not Move The Server Rack

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Dilbert Did Not Move The Server Rack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2017's comic on:


Tags #rumors, #accusation, #lying, #obstinacy

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Boss: Why did you move the server rack? Dilbert: I didn't. Boss: You must be lying because I heard you did. Dilbert: Isn't it more likely you're wrong? Boss: Considering all the options, I like the one where I'm right about everything and you're a stinkin' liar.

Did You Get My Email

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Did You Get My Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #email, #managers & supervisors, #office, #talking

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the boss: did you read my email? dilbert: yes. dilbert: are you aware that email is a substitute for talking in person? the boss thinking: i thought i heard something about that.