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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, scientific, test, women's institution, Number, 5.`362894, love, numbers

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The caption says, "Dogbert performs a scientific test of so-called 'women's intuition.'" Dogbert and a woman sit at a table. Dogbert says, "I'm thinking of a number between one and ten." The woman says, "5.1362894 . . . No, I'll say three." Dogbert says, "Wrong! The answer is 5.1362894 . . . I'm beginning to wonder if you're really a woman."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags after 5 club, select group, employees, creative ideas, club for people, during business hours, business

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The Boss says to Wally, who is seated at his computer, "Wally, you are invited to my new 'after-5 club.'" The Boss says, "A select group of employees will meet after work to think of creative ideas." Wally turns to The Boss and says, "Is there a club for people who know how to think during business hours?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bonus is 5%, don't feel bad, salary, salary differences, the boss, intern ages, inequity, allow to feel bad, money

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The boss gives an envelope to Asok and says: "Asok, your bonus is only 5% this year.Don't feel bad; I only got 5% too." Asok says to the boss: "But 5% of your salary is four times more than 5% of my salary." Asok says to the boss: "May I feel bad about that?" The boss answers: "Sure. Go wild!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags discount religin, tithing 5%, sin is in, no time with joiners

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I decided to start a discount religion. "The tithing would only be 5% and I'd let people sin as much as they wanted." BOOK "The only problem is that I don't want to spend time with anyone who would join that sort of religion."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags success, 5 minute daily huddle, obstacles

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The Boss: Who has some success to share at our 5-minute daily huddle? The Boss: Okay...Are there any obstacles? Asok: Everything.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags graphic design, graphic designers, outsourcing, new employee, subcontract, starngers, internet, 5% salary, undermind, technology

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Boss: Dilbert, meet our new graphic designer. Dilbert: If I had your job, I would secretly sub it out to strangers on the Internet and pay them 5% of my salary while I did nothing all day. Oops, sorry. I didn't know you were already there.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, office workers, encouragement, career plans, misjudge, 5 year plan, legacy sytems, retirement, projects, protect heart, plenty of naps, quality of work, pension fund, new career plan

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Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, salad, bar, joint, table, window, bathe, towellettes

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Dilbert sits at his desk assembling a gadget. Dogbert says, "Good news: the 'all-you-can-eat" salad joint just decided to stay open twenty-four hours a day!" Dogbert continues, "We can get a table by the window and live there for the rest of our lives - for only $5.95 apiece!" Dilbert asks, "How would we bathe?" Dogbert replies, "They have little 'moist towelettes.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, judged, accept, lacked, emotion, judging, them

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I feel like I'm being judged by everybody I see." Dilbert asks, "Why can't people accept other people as they are, without judging them?" Dogbert holds up a card with the score "7.5" written on it. Dogbert says, "It was a good speech, but it lacked emotion."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, yesterday, price, no-rabies, warranty, plain, wag, pet, booth, business, stand

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Dogbert sits behind a box with a sign that says, "Pet me. $5.00." Dilbert says, "Hey! You charged me TEN dollars yesterday!" Dogbert explains, "Five dollars is just the base price. I charge extra for an extended no-rabies warranty and other add-ons." Dilbert says, "I'll take a 'plain.'" Dogbert asks, "Wag or no wag?"