Wally approaches a man and a woman who are smoking. He says, "Here's my first cigarette ever. I'm looking forward to the many smoking breaks I'm entitled to." Wally says, "I'll probably see you three times a day, just smoking and chatting and enjoying the fresh air!" Wally says, "I assume you light the color-coded end, right?" The man and woman drop their cigarettes and say, "I quit."
Dilbert: Happy random calendar date. I'll be celebrating by doing nothing fun or useful all day because everything is closed.
Dogbert: You could visit your mom.
Dilbert: How's that different from what I just said?
boss and wally on video call.
wally: i'm not feeling well, so i'm going to take the day off from work.
boss: you work at home. and you'll be just as sick whether you work or not, so why not work?
wally: i don't know if you know this about me, but i don't like working.
boss talking toward laptop: tomorrow is casual day for remote workers. most of you already dress like roadkill, but see if you can take it down another level.
voice from laptop: why are you doing this to us?
boss: i hear it builds morale.
Ted: The committee decided that the file naming convention will start with the date, in the order of month, year, day... then a space, then the temperature at the airport, and the hat size of the nearest squirrel. To be perfectly honest, it was a long meeting and we probably didn't do our best work toward the end.
Wally says, "How did your interview go yesterday?" Dilbert says, "Great!" Dilbert says, "They offered less money for a worse job. But for half a day I imagined it would be better." Wally says, "Half a day/! Lucky!" Dilbert says, "I know! I can't wait for my next useless interview!"
Boss: Your annual skip-level meeting with my boss is next week. Everything you say about me is confidential. But just to be on the safe side, I scheduled my retribution for every day of the following year.
Dilbert sits at his desk reading a memo. Dilbert reads, "Urgent memo to all employees:" Dilbert says, "Uh-oh. Looks important." Dilbert continues reading, "If we are to remain competitive, you must proactively improve quality on all actionable items!" Dilbert says, "Wow! That was inspiring. My heart is pounding. I'm all tingly . . . I'd better take the rest of the day off . . ."
Dilbert sits up in bed, groans and thinks, "It's 6 a.m. and time for another oppressive day of meaningless toil . . ." Dilbert thinks, "Wait . . . Today is Saturday . . ." Dilbert lies back down and thinks, "I am the happiest man on the planet earth."
Dawn: We have to be firm with little Rex. Watch me, Bob. Rex, behave or I'll spank you!
Rex: If you spank me. I'll become a bitter and resentful child. And forget you on mother's day.
Rex: I think we understand each other now.
Bob: Is father's day still a go?
