Search Results for "75% competent"
Share December 25, 2014's comic on:
Boss: I only have enough in the budget to hire an employee who is incompetent half of the time. But if I don't use the budget, I will lose those funds next year. Employee: And I am proud to say that I'm 75% competent. Boss: I wish I could afford that.
Share March 16, 1998's comic on:
Tina the tech writer says, "I just read that the average woman is paid 75 cents for every dollar that men make. It's an outrage!" Alice sits at her computer and grimaces. Alice says, "I'm the highest paid engineer in the company." Tina looks comfused and says, "That's impossible. The article says, 'Average women' earn less." Alice says, "Suddenly, the problem comes into focus."
Share July 22, 1998's comic on:
In an alien space craft, two aliens converse with one another. One is dressed as The Boss and holds a 'The Boss' mask. The Boss is in a containment unit. The Boss alien says, "I think the earthlings are getting suspicious." As The Boss alien puts his mask on, the other alien replies, "Keep acting competent and caring. Our prisoner says that's how leaders act on their world." Back in the office, Carol sits at her computer terminal while The Boss says, "Carol, let me do the org chart on my PC. You have too much work already." Carol yelps, "AAAGH!"
Share November 03, 2008's comic on:
The Boss says, "Your resume is lame, but you're tall, so you must be competent." The Boss says, "You're hired. Let me show you around." The Boss says, "I'm what you call a good judge of people."
Share January 02, 2011's comic on:
Man says, "Dilbert, would you like to join us for lunch?" Dilbert says, "Where are you going?" Man says, "We haven't decided." Dilbert says, "In that case, no." Dilbert says, "I can't stand watching a small group of people trying to make a trivial decision." Dilbert says, "It makes me lose all faith in humanity." Dilbert says, "Food doesn't taste as good when you have no hope." Dilbert says, "I'll just get somehting from the vending machine and fantasize that my co-workers are competent." Dilbert says, "Let's see... what goes well with an unrealistic worldview?"
Share August 16, 2015's comic on:
Coworker: The reason we keep having conflicts is because of our personality types. You're an impulsive, dominant personality and I am more of a... Alice: Useless waste of space? Coworker: I was going to say I'm a reserved, introspective, people-pleaser. One personality type is not better than the another. We just see things differently. Alice: How do you explain the fact that I have never had a conflict with anyone who is competent. Coworker: Give me a minute to reflect on that. Alice: Let me know when you're done believing in magic.
Share June 16, 2017's comic on:
Asok: I have 75 slides to discuss in ten minutes. Save your questions to the end. CEO: Sit down and never talk to me again as long as you live. Dilbert: How'd the CEO presentation go? Asok: It was 75 slides too long.
Share March 13, 2012's comic on:
Computer: Scientists say there might be billions of planets like Earth. And we might be one of many universes. Dilbert: I wonder if there's a version of me out there who loves his job. Woman: What has three thumbs and wants a should massage? Dilbert: This guy! Meanwhile, on XPKQ-75
Share August 30, 1990's comic on:
Dilbert lies on a couch and explains to a therapist, ". . . Whenever I'm near a hardware store I feel an invisible force drawing me inside . . ." The psychologist says, "You've been talking about yourself since you got here. We never talk about ME and MY feelings. I hurt too, you know." Dilbert says, "I'm paying $75 an hour . . ." The psychiatrist says, "Good Lord, and you think that makes it okay to be selfish??"
Share July 11, 2012's comic on:
Alice: I wrote a social media app that can tell me how many friends other people have. App: Zero friends... 75 acquaintances... one nemesis... nine online stalking victims... Wally: Are you double-counting my stalking victims? Some of them are also acquaintances.