The Boss, Dilbert, Alice, Ratbert and Ted sit at a conference table. Ratbert asks, "Excuse me . . . I'm only an intern, but may I make a suggestion?" Ratbert says, "Let's form multidisciplinary task forces to reengineer our core processes until we're a world class organization!" The Boss says, "Sounds good. Go do it." Ratbert says, "I'm more of an idea rat."
Tablet: Scientists grew a human ear on the back of a rat. When asked for a comment, the rat said, "Hey, get this ear off my back. I didn't agree to this." The lead scientist on the project said, "Great. Now you made it all weird."
Boss: What does everyone think of my idea? Dilbert: I suggested that same idea last week and you said it was terrible. Boss: Your idea was totally different because it involved you getting the credit.
boss: this is the worst idea i have ever seen.
dilbert: didn't you once tell me you spent all of your savings on a fake psychic? and the only prediction she got right was that you would lose all of your money?
boss: she also predicted i would be unhappy.
Boss: I have a great idea. Let's create a google document that we can all update.
Dilbert: That is exactly the idea I suggested to you yesterday.
Boss: You can't prove that.
Dilbert: That was only true until I learned to wear a wire.
boss: looks like my idea of remote work is being implemented by management all over the world.
dilbert: i don't think that was "our idea" so much as totally obvious to every thinking person.
boss: well, maybe. but would they have implemented it?
dilbert: i'm going to talk to smart people now.
boss: wally, do you have a minute to talk about your total lack of accomplishments?
wally yelling: gaaa!!! i just had the best idea of my career, and your interruption made me forget it!
boss: but no accomplishments until now?
wally: i'm a strong finisher.
Dogbert: You need to create a product that gives people the illusion of being friends with ghosts. Boss: People only want real friends, not imaginary ones. Your idea is ridiculous. Dogbert: How many friends do you have on Facebook? Boss: Seven hundred. Why?
CEO: I plant to add seven more layers of management between you and me. My goal is to lead the company without knowing anything about it. Boss: That sounds like a bad idea. CEO: This sort of input is exactly what I'm trying to avoid.
Boss: Wally, did you finish coding the paywall for our website? Wally: I did something better. I wrote a script to delete any new content as soon as it's posted. At bonus time, keep in mind that you're the one who had the idea to eliminate revenue, and I'm the one who lowered hosting costs.
