Search Results for "Men"
Share March 10, 2012's comic on:
Woman: I like men who are confident in any situation. Dilbert: Within that subset of men, do you prefer the phonies or the ones who are too dumb to know when they shouldn't be confident? Dogbert: What went wrong this time? Dilbert: I showed interest in her opinion.
Share March 18, 2012's comic on:
Woman: Okay, what's going on here? Dilbert: I'm creative. Studies show that women prefer creative men for short-term relationships. Woman: That plant is random, not creative. Dilbert: Creativity is random. If creativity were anything but random, someone would have figured out the algorithm by now. I notice that your pupils are dilating. That's a sign of attraction. My plan is working. Free will is an illusion. Humans are nothing but moist robots. Just relax and let it happen. Woman: This is weird. I'm actually attracted to you now. Dilbert: Thanks, but I'm going to shop around. Woman: My world no longer makes sense! Dilbert: Walk it off.
Share March 23, 1990's comic on:
Dilbert sits at a table in a restaurant with an enormous woman. Dilbert thinks, "I will NEVER go on another blind date." Dilbert says, "So, Jabba . . . Er . . . I mean, Janet, have you dated many other men?" Janet replies, "Yes, but they all disappeared without a trace. Incidentally, you look delicious tonight."
Share June 01, 1991's comic on:
The panel says, "The difference between men and women. (Well, one of them.)" Dilbert and a woman look out the window. The woman says, "It's raining!! Let's go frolic in the rain!!" Dilbert thinks, "Frolic?" Dilbert stands in the rain wearing a raincoat and hood. The woman dances in the puddles without a coat or shoes. Dilbert thinks, "This'd better have a huge payoff."
Share August 30, 1991's comic on:
Man: I hope you'll date me now, Helen. I brought my resume as you requested. Helen: There's a little formula I use to calculate the ratio of your earnings potential to your height and baldness... Hmm... You pass. Of course, I'll still date other men too. Man: On different nights?
Share October 17, 1991's comic on:
Dogbert and Dilbert stand on a castle turret. Dilbert looks over the edge and says, "It looks the democracy movement has a new charismatic leader." A man stands in front of a crowd of Elbonians. The man yells, "Give me liberty or give me . . . Uh . . . Back acne." The man yells, "Are we mice or are we men?" An Elbonian woman asks, "Is that a trick question?"
Share May 12, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert stands in front of two men and points to a diagram. Dogbert says, "We must turn the negatives of your project into perceived benefits." Dogbert continues, "The new slogan will be 'Shmultz Beer: you know it's working because your head pounds.'" Dogbert points to a picture of a man who is holding a beer and has a headache. A man asks, "Can you work some bikinis into this concept?" The other man says, "We're very lonely men."
Share June 06, 1992's comic on:
A woman says to another woman, "I don't know what we can do to meet more men." Dilbert walks up to the women and says, "Hi, my name is Dilbert." The woman says, "Get lost . . . I'm armed." As Dilbert walks away looking shocked, the woman says, "And the men we do meet all have that same stunned bunny look."
Share September 28, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I've decided to become a demagogue." Dogbert continues, "I'll find some issue that appeals to the emotions and blind prejudices of the masses, then I'll whip it into a media frenzy and become a national figure." Dogbert continues, "For example, unmarried men are responsible for most of our violent crimes." Dilbert replies, "That's because we tend to have pets."
Share September 29, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert stands on a desk chair and types, "Unmarried men commit ninety percent of all violent acts. They should all be jailed in advance to prevent further atrocities." Dogbert continues typing, "And I should become a media sensation for suggesting such a provocative thing. The end." Dilbert thinks, "It's hard to write a whole book when you're as gifted as I am at getting to the point."