Absorb Function Comic Strips
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51 Results for Absorb Function
View 1 - 10 results for absorb function comic strips. Discover the best "Absorb Function" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday July 27,
2003
Tags #surplussed ted, #absorb function, #2 jobs one salary, #absorb his funtion, #osmosis, #symbiosis, #syneregy, #key learning, #tragic series, #monkey brained
Transcript
"I surplussed Ted. You'll need to absorb his function." "Absorb his function?" "Are you telling me to do two jobs for one salary?" "No, I'm telling you to absorb his function.. in an absorptive fashion." "..Using osmosis, symbiosis, and synergy." "Can you change reality by inventing new names for ordinary things?" "I sure hope so. Otherwise my entire career has been a.. a.." "Tragic series of monkey-brained mistakes?" "Key learning."
Thursday February 17,
2011
Tags #office buildings, #work ethic, #new cubicles, #death eater gray, #soul sponge, #absorb happiness, #fear of the unknown
Transcript
Office relocation Tina says, "Your new cubicles will be a color called 'death eater gray.'" Tina says, "The fabric is a soul sponge that will absorb your happiness if you stand hear it." The Boss says, "How'd the meeting go?" Tina says, "Well, you know, fear of the unknown." Office Relocation
Tuesday December 27,
2011
Tags #anxiety, #obliviousness, #mentor, #hundreds of hour, #eagerly absorb, #wisdom, #hugger
Transcript
Boss: Good news, Alice. I've decided to be your mentor. Alice: Hurk. Boss: We'll spend hundreds of hours together as you eagerly absorb my wisdom. Alice: HURK. Boss: And I've decided to become more of a hugger. Alice: Hurk hurk hurk hurk.
Tuesday October 22,
1996
Tags #heres card, #email, #address, #eighty characters, #meaningless, #reply function
Transcript
A man hands Dilbert a business card and says, "Thanks for the meeting. Here's my card." Dilbert reads the card and says, "You call that an e-mail address? It's eighty characters long and mostly meaningless." The caption says, "People with embarrassing e-mail systems . . ." Four people sit in a circle. A woman says, "I tell people, 'The reply function doesn't work. You have to type in my address.'" The man thinks, "Loser."
Tuesday December 01,
1998
Tags #boss in hospital, #no brain function, #still talking, #double length meetings, #accomplish twice as much
Transcript
The boss lies in a hospital bed. The boss is hooked up to complicated looking machine. A docter stands next to the machine. The doctor says, "The accident left him with no brain function whatsoever." The doctor says, "But that hasn't stopped him from talking." Dilbert says, "I'll drive him back to work." Dilbert drives the Boss. The Boss says, "If I double the length of our staff meetings, we'll accomplish twice as much!"
Thursday December 24,
1998
Tags #date, #supermodel, #restaurant, #order food, #spaghetti, #loaf of bread, #absorb moisture, #sniff mints
Transcript
Dilbert and the skeletal supermodel order at a restaurant. Dilbert says, "I'll have the jumbo spaghetti meal with a loaf of garlic bread." The supermodel says, "I'll absorb moisture from the air and sniff the mints on the way out." Dilbert eats an huge portion of spaghetti and bread. Dilbert says, "Is it fun to be a supermodel?" The model says, "It was until now."
Monday September 24,
2001
Tags #email service problem, #no email, #phone call, #playing with tech support, #three computers, #web function, #account information
Transcript
Dilbert is sitting at his computer at home. He says into the telephone, "Look, I have three computers in the house. All three simultaneously lost e-mail but not web function." He continues, shaking his fist in the air, "That means the problem is in your e- mail service. Can you grasp that concept?" Dilbert is laying on the couch with a cup of coffee. He says into the phone, "Okay. I'm re-entering my account information... Hey, guess what? That didn't work either."
Saturday February 22,
2003
Tags #i.t function, #outsource, #save money, #corporations, #full time employees, #reaplce, #panic, #warning sound
Transcript
The Boss points to a slide and says, "We'll save money by outsourcing our I.T. function." The Boss continues, "Then we'll save more money by replacing our outsourcing with full-time employees!" Wally responds, "When it's time for us to panic, will there be a warning sound, or was that it?"
Friday October 31,
2003
Tags #rick, #mustaully exclusive, #transofrm, #package ultra light, #absorb impact, #brick wall
Transcript
Dilbert: "Hey, Rick. Allow me to explain why your specifications are mutually exclusive." Rick: "Must transform." Dilbert: "If we make the package ultra light, there won't be enough material to absorb impact when..." "I don't think I'm getting through."
Tuesday August 17,
2004
Tags #product designer, #function, #design, #everything, #quality, #news, #emotional impact, #hard to look at
Transcript
"Product designer" Dogbert: "Function means nothing. Design is everything." "Quality is yesterday's news. Today we focus on the emotional impact of the product." Dilbert: "But it still needs quality, right?" Dogbert: "You are so-o-o-o hard to look at."