Boss: We've decided to charge customers for features they currently get for free. Dilbert: Um... Have you considered how our customers might react? Boss: Obviously. Wally: I'd like to hear how that reasoning process went. Boss: Fine. Customers love us and they will put up with anything we dish out. Wally: So... It's sort of an abusive relationship? Boss: Not yet, but we're trying to move in that direction.
Ted says to Dilbert and Wally, "Everybody pick a straw. The loser has to kill our abusive co-worker, Floyd." Ted says, "Dilbert loses. He picked the blue straw." Dilbert says, "I thought the SHORT straw loses." Ted replies, "You're already a murderer; don't be a cheater too."
The manager is slapping a drunk. Dilbert says to her, "Hi. I came to apply for a server job." The manager replies, "Okay. Tell me how you would handle an abusive drunken customer like this guy." Dilbert replies, "Um.. with kindness?" The manager says, "You might want to shield yourself with a tablecloth."
The Boss is meeting with an employee. The Boss says, "So Ted has been training you for the past six months." The Boss continues, "Based on your work, I'd say he's playing the world's longest practical joke on you." The employee is visibly angry. He approached Ted. Ted says, "Sometimes there's a fine line between criminally abusive behavior and fun."
Dogbert: "I'm going to work for the cable company."
Dilbert: "Why?"
Dogbert: "I enjoy giving people abusive service windows."
Dilbert: "Oh"
Dogbert: "Well, if you can't be home from March to October, then say goodbye to Regis and Kelly!"
"I hired an abusive, lying, back-stabbing, control freak." "But don't worry, because I'm sending you to a class on how to deal with difficult coworkers." "Wouldn't it have been better to..." "I've heard bad things about that guy."
Boss: I hired the Dogbert Ad Company to build some deceptive and abusive ads for our mobile app. Dogbert: I prefer to call our ads "effective." It means the same thing. Our most effective ad looks like a text message from your doctor saying he can't stop crying.
Dilbert: Abusive management has reduced my testosterone levels and left me feeling... Alice: Die, you dishrag! Die! Ha ha ha ha ha! Dilbert: No worries. Alice: I sensed weakness.
Dilbert is threatened by an abusive skunk.
Skunk: That's right: A big bowl of ice cream could keep me from being afraid and reflexively spraying your living room.
Dilbert: This is blackmail!
Skunk: My goodness, no. It's just that I can't control my fear response. Now I'm afraid that you won't sing the songs from "cats," while I eat.
