Accurate Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

20 Results for Accurate

View 1 - 10 results for accurate comic strips. Discover the best "Accurate" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 1998's comic on:


Tags #document, #on desk, #overdue, #last minute, #going home, #boss to dilbert, #wait until tomorrow, #sociopath, #spookily accurate

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his cubicle and looks at his watch. he thinks, "Time to go home. That means..." The Boss shows up and says, "Hi there." Dilbert thinks, "Right on schedule." Dilbert holds up his hand and says, "Wait. Let me guess why you're here." Dilbert says, "You want to discuss a document that's been on your desk for a month." Dilbert says, "It's something that could easily wait until tomorrow." He says, "But you'll insist that I handle it now, because you're a sociopath." The Boss says, "Wrong. I majored in anthropology." The Boss walks away and thinks, "But that was a spookily accurate guess about the document."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 2002's comic on:


Tags #attacking me, #number accurate, #too late to apologize, #hate your guys

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to a coworker, "Is this number accurate? It seems low." The coworker responds, "Why are you attacking me? Stop attacking me!" Dilbert says, "I think the number is too low." The coworker replies, "It's too late to apologize. Now I hate your guts."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2008's comic on:


Tags #accurate numbers, #more useful, #studies showed, #make up stats

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I didn't have any accurate numbers so I just made up this one."Dilbert says, "Studies have shown that accurate numbers aren't any more useful than the ones we make up."The Boss says, "How many studies showed that?" Dilbert says, "Eighty-seven."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 2014's comic on:


Tags #anger, #reports, #cycnical, #accurate worldview, #upset people, #angry guy, #confident in worldview

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm getting reports that you're being cynical. Dilbert: It's called an accurate worldview. You should try it sometime. Boss: If it's accurate, why are people upset? Dilbert: Said the angry guy to the one who isn't.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2014's comic on:


Tags #business people, #work ethic, #new line, #products, #business plan, #good track record, #useful, #accurate, #make up numbers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to write a business plan for our new line of products. Dilbert: Is that because business plans have a good track record of being useful and accurate? Boss: No, it's nothing like that. Dilbert: Good, because I plan to make up all of the numbers.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2014's comic on:


Tags #correct data, #incorrect data, #interactions with boss, #questioning, #totally accurate, #desk, #computer, #office, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Are you sure the data you gave me is correct? Dilbert: I've been giving you incorrect data for years. This is the first time you've asked. Boss: What? Dilbert: I said the data is totally accurate.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2014's comic on:


Tags #egyptians, #engineers, #human resources, #pyramids, #pharoahs, #secrets, #reschedule, #meeting, #historically accurate, #new policy, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Egyptian pharaohs killed the engineers who build their pyramids so they would never share their secrets. Dilbert: No... I don't think they did. Catbert: Really? Dang! Can we reschedule this meeting until I find a historically accurate explanation of our new policy?

Directionally Accurate

Thank you for voting.
Directionally Accurate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #projections, #budget, #finance, #math, #excuse, #compliment, #accuracy, #education, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Are you confident in your financial projections? Wally: They're directionally accurate. Boss: Your columns don't even add up. Wally: Why is it so hard for you to give a compliment?

More Accurate Job Description

Thank you for voting.
More Accurate Job Description - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2019's comic on:


Tags #distraction, #frustration, #jobs, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I updated my job description to be more accurate. Boss: "I try to do something and then I get interrupted a jillion times until the thing no longer matters." Sounds like you need some extra micro-managing. Dilbert: I have to take this call.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 1992's comic on:


Tags #disguise, #squirrels, #Dilbert, #garbage, #model, #computer, #chaos theory, #complex, #Alternative, #wild guess, #spy, #squirrel

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to the garbage man, "I know that my computer model is accurate, but nobody believes me when I predict that squirrels will conquer the earth." The garbage man replies, "Of course, you're aware that according to 'Chaos Theory' any complex iterative model is no better than a wild guess, even if the logic is perfect." Dilbert replies, "You're making that up." The garbage man says, "You caught me; I'm really a giant spy squirrel in disguise."