A senator at a table says into a microphone, "Mister Dogbert, the Senate Judiciary Committee will begin the questioning." The senator asks, "How would you interpret Roe versus Wade?" Dogbert replies, "They're lying. I deny everything." The senator says, "We're not accusing you . . ." Dogbert says, "Hey, I didn't bring it up!"
Dilbert: I heard a rumor of a reorganization. Is it true? Boss: Who told you that? Dilbert: Answering a question with a question means yes. Boss: Are you accusing me of being a deceptive weasel? Dilbert: Why would you ask that?
Wally: I started by giving the device human intelligence. Then I added human emotions. Now it answers every question by accusing you of having a secret agenda. Boss: Just like people!
Dogbert: I wrote a paper about my discovery of the "Dogbertium Particle" and submitted it for peer review. Luckily, most of my peers are made of pure Dogbertium, which means they are easy to bribe. Dilbert: Bribe? Dogbert: Do you have a problem with that, or are you anti-science?
Wally: If Ted complains about me not doing my job, keep in mind that he steals from the company. And he only has time for stealing because sometimes he takes time off from all of his lying. Dilbert: What was that all about? Wally: I was laying down suppressive fire.
dilbert, the boss and dogbert at conference room table.
the boss: our competition released a product that makes our product look like it was designed by chimps.
the boss: that's why i hired the world's most evil marketing expert to help us close the perception gap.
the boss: should we focus on our value proposition?
dogbert: if that means accusing them of crimes they didn't commit, then yes.
the boss: we had a leadership meeting to decide how to move forward.
the boss: but all the leaders left the meeting with wildly different ideas about what we agreed on.
carol: how do you leaders plan to solve that?
the boss: phase one involves accusing each other of being stupid.
dilbert at table with dogbert: my boss is accusing me o not knowing what he was thinking. i need you to be my lawyer and handle my appeal to the court of stupidity.
court of stupidity
the court rules in favor of the bailiff.
dilbert: activists are accusing us of padding our customer list with the names of dead people.
boss: that's a lie. those customers were alive when they bought our products.
dilbert: did they die while using them?
boss: let's hope the activists don't ask that question.
catbert: seventy-three subordinates are accusing you of inappropriate behavior.
ceo: i don't see what's so "inappropriate" about threatening to ruin a subordinate's career unless i get a hug.
catbert: you know that's a crime, right?
ceo: maybe i shouldn't handle my own defense.
